I'm kinda tired

I'm 13 years old. I'm about a few days clean from SH. I can't remember how long I've wanted to die for. I hate it when my mom and dad fight or when my mom and older brother fight. My mom fights a lot with me too.

My mom probably hates me but I hate myself more. I can't help but see herself and her personality in me. Even our interests are the same.

My mom would always tell me how much of a pain in the ass I am to her, how much she wanted to leave me and how she shouldn't have had me. When i grew up a bit I matured and her expectations of me for bigger. Apparently my average A-'s are "low grades".

I remember when I was little she would hit me so much id scream so loud from how painful it was and she would lock me in a room. I hate my body. I always try to diet ever since I got overly self conscious about it.

I cope by reading romance manhwas, mangas and novels. I don't know why but I always want bad things to happen to me? Like I wanna end up in the hospital so I can get the pity and care from others even though I'll hate being there. It just feels good.

I like it when other people actually care about me. I don't like it when someone doesn't like me even the tiniest bit or when someone doesn't like something about me. It kinda bothers me a lot.

My mom takes her shit out on me because she's extremely depressed. I think that resulted to a generational trauma because I take it out on my siblings by having better expectations of them. But I'm also trying to help them a bit.

My older brother is gonna turn 18 soon yet he can't take care of himself. He only plays games it's just stupid. My mom even told me that I'm more mature than him.

I guess I'm unlovable and I guess it's pretty understandable why. I'm disgusted of myself. I hate my body, my life, I overthink and I'm an introvert. I just want to cry to someone while being hugged.

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anonymous Other May 19, 2026 at 3:26 am 0 0