I don t know anymore

I went into therapy when I was 11.
Didn’t work out well.
Then when I was 14, my schools nurse made me go to another therapist.
That nurse was whacked. All I did was cry during a test. She decides “did you hurt yourself?”
“Years ago. I already talked to someone”
“NO CAN DO! IM GONNA HAVE TO ADMIT YOU TO THE MENTAL HOSPITAL.”

I go to the fucking mental hospital. I’m with my dad because I feel comfortable with him. The lady asks me questions about what I did to myself while my dad was in the room.

“She’s fine. No one would say that while their parent was in the room.”
IM SORRY? You were the one who wanted my PARENT in there.
That sentence, “she’s fine.” Has stuck with me for the past 5 years.

I used to have very bad thoughts, they disappeared over time but now they’re back. It’s getting worse and all I tell myself is “you’re fine.”
I think I’m just doing it for attention?? Even though I don’t tell anyone.

I feel selfish. I don’t want to seek out help especially if “I’m fine.”
It was easy to get help when I was younger but now as an adult, it’s very hard.

9 month waitlists to even talk to someone. I don’t want to be in the line of people waiting, especially if someone really needs it.
Who knows what will happen in 9 months haha

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ah Other August 14, 2022 at 3:49 am 0 0