i suck at titles

I have never had an actual relationship, they have all seemed to fail and were long-distance so I never really had my first kiss or first date experience or first love, basically none of those “romantic” firsts everyone craves and talk about. However, this summer I started talking to a guy I had met on Tinder we hit it ofd right away and he seemed really interested in me which surprised me because I never last talking to guys I meet on dating apps for longer than a week because they all wanted sexual stuff and for that I thought he was different. It made me think he was “the one” because he was interested in getting to know me and he even matched so many of my listed things in my “ideal bf” list. I was over the moon because I couldn’t believe someone like him was interested in me. All my past relationships had failed so I had come to a conclusion that I was not worth loving or having a happy loving relationship, but he made me think otherwise. After a while of talking, he mentioned he wanted to hang out (FINALLY) and I invited him to the carnival in my city since I was just going with two of my friends anyways and I could just meet him there and let me know when he arrived. He agreed to come and it was a great first date, he was the nicest and sweetest guy I had ever met. He complimented me a lot, held my hand, hugged me, and said multiple times he was glad he came and that he met me. I was on cloud nine, really… After we left the carnival, he took me to his favorite spot at the beach which I felt so special about because it was a comfort place to him. We talked for a bit and he confessed that he liked me a lot and I drove him crazy which I was so shocked by because wow.. HE likes ME? I told him I liked him too and for a while it was just us hugging holding hands while listening to the waves. He ended up kissing me, my first kiss, we ended up making out for at least half an hour until he had to drive me back home. On the way to drop me off, he held my hand the whole time and would kiss me when he could, I felt a little crazy at this point I just couldn’t believe it. When he dropped me off, he also got off the car and hugged me and said he would miss me in which I said I would miss him too and we kissed twice before I walked into my house. I was so happy that I couldn’t sleep over how excited I was, everything was just perfect to me. The next day he had called me at around 10pm while he was driving home from work saying he missed me and I thought wow, he really must like me if he is calling while driving home….. 3 days later I found out I was the other girl the whole time….. He had a girlfriend… I let her know immediately and apologized. I told her everything that had happened between us and everything he had told me… Turns out he had used the same lines he used on her…on me… All he told me was “There is no explanation just know that none of this is okay and I’m not okay. All you need to do is kick me out of your life, I am glad I met you, please be happy.” And that was it lol.. I got no explanation and no apology… That hurt a lot but what hurt more was that he told his gf that he was just pretending I was her…. That is what made me feel like shit and drove me further into thinking I really don’t deserve to be loved, or genuinely liked, or happy… It made me feel so much worse about myself, I felt so pathetic and worthless… Was I really not worth anything? Am I not worth anything? Am I not worthy of being loved? Do I not deserve happiness? And you might think “This is not that big of a deal” which it isn’t.. I think… but I made it such a big deal solely on the fact that after so many years, for once, I felt special, I felt genuinely liked, I felt as if I had finally found someone who liked me for me…. just for it to be all fake… and that is what hurts… it completely crushed my spirit. However, it’s been a month since that all happened, I blocked him and his gf (yeah, they got back together days after), and I moved on from him. I am healing myself and I couldn’t care less what he is doing, I just genuinely hope he rots in hell. Although I moved on from HIM, the situation scarred me and ever since then I have only had one thought in my mind, “I didn’t deserve that.”

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S Other August 23, 2022 at 5:56 am 0 0