I still love her so much

So I was engaged sorta. Married really: in the light of the bluest moon: a feral trek to spiritual abomination. But in the light of God: during an LSD trip I made a decree. I saw it. I knew something and I made it's purposed stated. "We are one. We were and are fate."

We were both ready: just trapped in our skins. Doing the wrong drugs.

We were both so harmed and lost lol. But we both gave up. Me first. Me months before her: she was afraid to lose me

I was afraid to lose me. What little there was left, that she saw so much life in.

So these 2 losers fall in love: right? What is so complicated? The dude: hey there. I had lived so many lives. I had been so many different people: I moved every few years. My nature was "Just start fresh. Forwards ever backwards never." so I tried as hard as I thought I was able early on

then lost my belief in the investment. I didn't leave then because like it was the most beautiful thing. Amidst a life of tripping on other people "Okay I'm too nice" then I have some parasite in my life. You want me to give up on everything? then I move or change my number.

i have only had a few long-term relationships. Perhaps I put too much weight on those.

I hate speaking for anyone else: but most of the people I've met are trapped in the past.

I own my past: i've moved on. I move on. but like: i haven't gone forwards since I met her. She was important. I will survive: ultimately life or death she doesn't matter but

i still really love this one chick. I felt our deaths together; and a long life inbetween.

I knew years before. She was so frustrating most of the time i refused to let myself fall in love with her for ages EVEN THOUGH I WAS almost when we met.

She was crippled by her past: I was ready to grow from mine! When we met she wanted to grow: I had been. She trapped me in her past and we both withered. Not her fault

whatever. All my fault probably i dunno


i just. I want to marry her. At this point I dont give a shit. I'd marry anyone and end up like my dad. I'd be better to the kids but lol. this is probably nature. I will get my degree and before I graduate: start mass-producing children. Not in some evil way.

I'd take better care of any and all of my offspring than most parents do. I already care more about any child I may have had i wish i knew more about a few years of my life. i can't remember years

but like

idk. I can remember most of the time I wasn't on drugs. Even if a lot of that time was really boring. I can remember half of the time I was fucked and bombed most of those memories lack important details. so I will return to computer mode now. Caffeine and theanine, to counteract the alcohol and self-therapy self medication with marijuana and more caffeine im shitting blood on my screen the toilet is a mess

but I never feel all too completely distressed
if i'm awake i'm good to go
wake me up and I'll make sure to show

dont let me sleep i always regret
when I'm not awake I tend to forget

ill make more coffee now, and post this bullshit
i met the perfect cunt until I lost it

i wanted to spend the rest of my life with this bitch lol. This, brilliant angel. who I sometimes called my dog. Who I fell out of love with, because she was so lost on her past, and her culture, and herself that I couldn't begin to properly speak to at all while living in her world. as a satellite to her travesty. Just own your shit! I've taken and given away lives. I couldn't begin to explain, half the shit I've done. I couldn't write a novel explaining certain extreme moments lol

but you make countless telenovelas out of simple mistakes. "I tripped on the sidewalk" you were never gestapo.

---

anonymous Relationships February 26, 2020 at 12:46 pm 0 0