I have friends but at the same time i dont

I have friends but at the same time I dont and it hurts, im sure many of us can relate to what im about to write. Hello everyone im Hamster im 20 and im in my 2nd year of college. Im not going to be writing about my upbringing sob story but ill just get straight into it, see the thing is that i am very extroverted. Not annoying extroverted but i a lot of the time do have the capability to speak to people, of course i do have my times where im shy, and that is how i met all my friends. I came into college with no friends because highschool ended badly and i had to cut off a toxic friend who wasnt good for my mental health. Ive met so many people throughout my 2 years at college but i dont have any real friends. Im never the person people want to call out of the blue, or say lets hangout, or the person people check up on, im nothing. Im used to it, im the youngest in my household with a huge age gap with my siblings, so i am used to being alone but with all this burst of energy i get super depressed that i cant hangout with anyone. This year i am more extroverted because i told myself one day when im old or if im dying ill reget not living my life the way i wanted to so i have gone out of my way again to make class groupchats and complimenting people -> (which i like to do), checking up on others, sharing my notes. Although when i invite people to hangout no one wants to hangout with me, no one texts me and im just so lonely. I always ask my sibling to hangout with me at college because we go to the same place but they never want to or say theyre busy or have work. I feel so sad. I wish just 1 person would be my true friend. I want a best friend who i can randomly facetime, who i can text and call without being judged, who will be honest with me, someone i can hangout with and when my social battery dies i can be quiet around and not say anything without feeling the need to break the silence. I want to laugh and take pictures with my friend?(s)? and make memories. I have so many regrets about my teen years and now i've started my 20s i just feel so empty. I want to have a friend who i dont have to worry about saying im broke. I just want someone who will enjoy life with me. I want a best friend. I want just a real friend. I wish all of us could have just one person like this. Im jealous that all my siblings have their friend and they even have a lover. I have no one. (yes i know i have god but you know....still.... :( )

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Hamster Friends February 08, 2024 at 7:40 pm 0 0