Nobody Cares

She doesn't even care about me anymore. She instead goes to hang out with her obvious fake friends, but I, one actual friend who will always and forever care for her, she leaves me behind. Her birthday was the past weekend and she said to all of her friends, including me, to wear pink. So I did just for her. I told her happy birthday queen, because I thought she was different at the time. At lunch I went over to her in line and told her that I didn't have any money to buy her a present so I was going to draw her one instead. I have social anxiety, anxiety, depression, and I am also a part of LGBTQ+. I am always way to nervous and get panic attacks whenever I try to speak up for myself. So the following thing I had a feeling would happen at some point in our lives, but I just didn't expect this shitty personality so fast. And to mind you, yes I am 13 years old, but I have went through so much shit in my family, and social life so don't try to tell me that I am a mindless teenager, because I do know what I am talking about! One minute she is pretending to be my friend and the next she is telling me she is having a birthday party. I was happy because I thought she was going to ask me, and I was happy that I would be able to actually be social for once. But no, I thought horribly wrong. She told me how she wouldn't want me there because I am way too embarrassing for her. Yes, I know that I can be very awkward, but she has no fucking right to just say that to my face. But my hands started shaking and that is a sign for me to calm down or I will pass out. So I put on an emmy award mask on my face and she kept on spouting shit at me. And one of our guy friends was standing right there and he was just saying "ooohhhh" over and over again, trust me I would've gladly punched him right in the place where his dick should be but instead there is a microscopic dildo instead. So I kept on smiling because I cry every day because I think about killing myself, but I never will. So I keep on a straight face so that maybe just maybe I can be happy for a minute. If we were in a different world I would have punched her in that motherfucking fake ass bitchy face cake that looks like shit, and told her to fuck off. But I didn't and you know why? Because I care for my friends. I will kill myself so that my friends can live. And a sad thing that I always think about is that if I kill myself nobody, not even my friends will care, they will be so happy that I am finally gone and they dont have to keep pretending around me anymore. But I do have great amazing friends, but sometimes, with this fake ass hoe, I just think about leaving her behind. Just like in The Hate U Give, when Starr stopped being friends with Hailey. I felt that moment, and the person that I saw that was in Hailey's shoes and I was in Starr's was this girl. So maybe it was a sign that I need to leave her behind, because honestly, I think my life would be so much better without this piece of shit in it.

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Anxiety_Girl Friends January 29, 2019 at 3:58 pm 0 0