Derealization

I'm a 15 year old high schooler suffering from derealization for at least half a year. Everything in the world feels toned down, and dreamlike, as if I were looking through a wall or a movie screen. I don't feel like I'm actually living, my childhood is a big blur and memorable parts don't make me feel emotional anymore. Also been forgetting many, many things that are important to me, like the times with those who are gone. Im caring less and less about academic success, getting some fails in mathematics but not giving a shit. I'm having intrusive thoughts that I never act upon but become annoying. When I'm sitting in class, outside looking at the fields, or in my own room at 3AM typing this, I'm in a weird state where I look around and think what the fuck is happening, why it is happening, and what I'm doing. Time has been going especially fast too. My days come and go so quickly that it still feels like months ago. And this is not some normal "time flies" type shit, like I am actually unable to study enough because all of a sudden, my day has vanished. Like I'm fast forwarding time and it's suddenly 2AM. I am a bit socially awkward so seeing a therapist would only make me more tense. I enjoy keeping to myself and would never see myself talking to a therapist. I don't know how this began, as most people with derealization get it after alcohol or drug usage. The only notable thing would be my (not diagnosed but probably) depression, primarily rooted from the disdain of being in school. I hope to get out of this soon

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Ali Other April 03, 2023 at 2:53 am 0 0