Im so tired

I'm a 14 year old trans male. Just two months ago I was disowned by my birth mother who forced me from Vegas to California around 7 months ago. She had controlled every part of my life. No phones, no friends, no going out, homeschooling, no other religions, no meds, no therapy, no being gay. Nothing. All I had was my church friends, the very few people I had come out to, and theater friends. Then she forced me out of church and we moved. Slowly stopped talking to people. We lived with my grandad and his wife who had always hated me and treated me mean. I slept on a blowup mattress on the floor with curtain separating where I slept and no living space. My mom constantly berated me and got into fights with everyone. The only saving grace was the fact that i finally could go to highschool. She found out I was trans after asking me when I snuck out to meet one of my trans friends. She was pissed but didn't ask anymore. Than one night she found my pagan worship stuff and threw a fit. I came home late from a concert no one showed up to and she was gone. She never came back. Left my shitty stepdad and took my two brothers. My granddad threw a fit and said I have to leave so I was back to Vegas where I once again had no friends for the summer. My dad's a sweetheart and him and my mom (The good one) are trying to sell our house so we can move. They want to give me a proper highschool life. I appreciate them so much and get how hard they work. I love them a lot and know I'm lucky that they'd do this for me. At the same time I'm suffocating. Theyre stressed because of everything and I have a hard time opening up about my issues. Especially when I know the other person is struggling. I dont want to burden them. I have a boyfriend and he's the sweetest guy ever but I don't want to make him worry. All of them are sweet but they don't get me. Not like "oh I'm so misunderstood" more like I'm chemically imbalanced and I can't remember the last time I wasnt suicidal. I have a history of suicide attempts, self harm, and issues. I'm a diagnosed autistic and have very bad insomnia so I'm constantly tired and overwhelmed. My whole life feels like pain and I have no stability. I'm so tired of living. I have people that need me like my boyfriend and sister and parents but I'm just so tired. I never sleep, I have a hard time eating and I'm always stressed. I feel like I'm going to die.

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Atlas Other July 12, 2025 at 5:16 am 1 1