With Age Comes Silence

Is it AGE or POST-SHUTDOWN? I find that I have a lot less to say - because - what's the point really? I scroll through Tik-Tok, Instagram, Twitter, etc., and realize I have nothing in common. My goal in life is not to be noticed but to sleep more. No motivation. No emotion. No arguments. Just numb. After a lifetime and a half of striving, climbing, learning, I don't have the energy. No matter how many cups of coffee I drink. People try to engage me in conversation and within the span of 36.8 seconds I have already mapped all the possible routes and outcomes. And I am not interested in any of them.
I have nightmares about arguments.

I wake up several times a night mid silent scream, feeling more exhausted than when I went to sleep.

When I was 29/30, there were a lot of ups and downs for sure. But it seemed worth it for some reason. I would have fit right in with today's TikTokers, Instagrammers, and Social Influencers. I was kind of doing that ... just before any of those platforms existed. I had something to say and share. I felt alive if nothing else.

Now via Traditional and Social media, I have been hit over the head with so many rules: from what lives matter the most to what deaths matter the most; that life feels like a giant game of Twister on a carpet of Minecraft. So I do what all good children of the 19th century do (yes the 19th century): you sit very very still, with your hands clasped firmly in your lap, and you don't say a word.

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Angela Other February 10, 2022 at 2:49 pm 0 0