It s over rip

My boyfriend broke up with me last night. We've been on a break for about a month so I guess it was coming. I bawled my eyes out last night for about 3 hours. I woke up with swollen eyes, a raspy throat, and my nose was in pain. It was kind of ridiculous how much my eye was puffed up. I could barely open my eyes. But today was surprisingly a good day. I did nothing in my first period class, then did a fun activity in second. I had a random meditation/yoga segment in my third period, then watched mean girls in psych class. A surprise party in 6th period. I was super nervous for a math test but somehow my teacher decided today was the day for a group test. I did the test on my own and it was super easy. That really brightened my day. My last period went by with a breeze. So, I've been doing okay. I went shopping with my family after school and bought a lot of clothes. I'm looking back on the relationship and noticing a lot of warning signs. I excused him actively talking to other girls as him being an all around friendly guy. And yeah to some extent that was true, but he left me alone at a party once knowing that I wasn't really friends with the people there. He laid down across some girls and that made me pretty mad but I didn't bring it up. Then at my birthday I felt sort of out of place because he wouldn't stay with me. We were at an amusement park with a group of friends. He would talk a lot about himself during convos, and I don't really blame him for that one, I'm just a quiet person. But over text it was annoying because he wouldn't even respond to some things I bring up.

He wants us to stay friends because I'm his "best friend" and that I know him the best and that he knows a lot about me too and doesn't want the friendship to end because of this. I might just be in some weird like fuck you stage because I don't really want to talk to him again. We were long distance so it's pretty easy to do that. I just feel like he wants me but doesn't want want me. If that makes sense? Like he wants to keep me close to fall back on, but he doesn't want the emotional baggage. Idk it just seems like he's using me but I might just be misinterpreting. He was a good friend and yeah maybe I'll want him in my life later on but I don't want him there right now.

What complicates this is the fact that I used to live in the same city as him, went to the same high school. We dated for a year and a half in a close distance relationship. We were both on the same sports team so we shared a lot of friends. My closest friends from that school are also friends with him and they just remind me of him so I don't really want to talk to them. I feel bad but I just don't want that right now. I've deleted all my social media because I don't want to see him or anything that reminds me of him. I don't know if I'll ever have the strength to download them back and see him. I'm scared for prom, I don't want to see him with another girl. That would hurt beyond anything. I'm sure I'll never completely get over him since he was my first serious relationship. It just seemed like we would last through high school.

I'm also a bit hurt because I had sex with him twice, both times during LDR. Now he says that the distance is too much for him, so why did he even stay with me for this long in long distance (about 8 months) I feel used? in a way. I don't know anymore. I want him back but at the same time I never want to see/speak to him ever again. Only time will tell I guess.

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anonymous Relationships May 25, 2018 at 8:09 pm 1 0