Always the dearest friend

I just got friendzone by two of my friends at different times.

One had the cheek to say I will always love you and you will always be my dearest friend and I can not give you what you want. That's fair enough and I respect that but then don't go telling me that I'm wonderful , beautiful and have a good personaility only for you to turn round and say you're not good enough for me. What a fkng liar. Friendship love does not mean much after you fall in love with someone . You become less important to that friend and less likely to be there for you when you need them to be because they are too busy with their boyfriend or girlfreind .

The second friend not only said the same thing and does the same actions as the first friend but they then take it to the next level by telling me his other friend is more attractive than me but then still tells me I am attractive when that is a flat out lie because it doesn't matter if I'm attractive to him because there will always be someone better than me. This friend will always want to spend more time with them and not me and lies to me by saying he treats me and her the same when we all know that isn't true because he would move mountains for her and not me . He said I will watch you get married as a friend. You can have hugs and friendship kisses. I don't want that I want more . I don't want to always be the friend. Even if I was ever to be liked they would just leave , not love me and cheat. There is no hope , there is no evidence to say I will be loved so how can I believe my own friends when I was never good enough for them in the first place? They say love is random but to me it's a choice ,it isn't random .

I am never anyone's first choice even know I try my hardest to work on myself. I go to therapy, I have a hobby , I go to social gatherings , I talk things out , I ask for help, I take my meds and yet still no one will love me no matter how hard I work on myself , no matter how kind or caring or how thoughtful am I . I am always cheated on or never loved. So everyone can fuck off with the self improvement and self love because I am doing all of that and I'm still lonely , single. The pain I suffer every day is diffcult to deal with as is and it becomes harder when the people who care about you the most can't provide you with what you need and your needs and wants are not being met .

If I am not good enough for my friends how can I ever be good enough for a stranger ? It harder to teach someone how to love you when your friends already know. How can I not hate them for lying about me to my face? Youre this youre that , yet its all so pointless when they will turn and look at the other girl and look at her with such love and compassion as if I don't even exist . That I am never important to , that I am never good enough, never pretty enough , never sharing all the interests they have . I am never enough

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anonymous Crushes May 31, 2019 at 4:12 pm 2 0