Undeserving

Growing up, i didn't have a mother. She had me while still in school and needed to provide for me so I was handed to my grandparents. She was not a good mother to me, never showed me love, never bonded with me as a child. I have no childhood memories with her except with my grandparents. Then she had my brother. She had a more stable life and was able to be there and provide for him. To love him. I was forced to grow up faster than I should as I now became an older sibling. A role model. I tried my best to be good but he was always better. Smarter. Funnier. I felt undeserving of love so I stepped back whenever I had the spotlight because he too would want it. Whenever I would try to do something new with my mom, like go to the gym suddenly he would want that to. Read a book. He would want it. And I would let him have it because I was undeserving. I just wanted for something to be mine without him taking it. I wanted some attention to. From my mother, but she never looked my way. And I'm too scared to talk to anyone because I can't trust people.

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anonymous Home February 21, 2023 at 7:06 pm 0 0