Don t compromise who you are

The song "Girls on the TV" by Laura Jean really makes me think of one friend. “L” I’ll call her. I feel like I shouldn't be friends with her right now, its a scary thought that creeps up on me that I really don't know her anymore. She's doing her own thing and I should just let her go. What scares me about that is that I am a structured, routine oriented person. I do not like change, and I don't like my foundations to be shaken. Friendship has proven itself to be seriously poignant to me, and L is someone I have known since I was four years old. The thought of letting go of that frightens me... but she makes me feel awful. I've grown weary of feeling this way. I like another friend, “DB”, because I can see someone like me in there but as much as I want to see this handsome Viking looking guy who lets no one and nothing get in his way, I think he’s just a scared little lamb with these people. I don't really want to go to parties and talk about tinder, I wanted to join in because he was there. If he wasn't at the parties, I wouldn't have gone. That's the honest truth. As for the others, I don't really feel any attraction to them. I thought I found a special friend in DB but I suppose not, at least not right now. I've learned a lot about myself through reflecting off of their behaviour. I found my line in the sand, and I'm glad I did. I know what kind of friends I want now. I really only held onto L out of fear. What does she give back to me? Nothing worthy of what I give her, and that's not a friendship I want. It's been fun playing games with them, but I'm just not like them, and I feel like I can't be myself around them. Even L, now. She just doesn't understand and won't take ownership. I feel a bit of karma in action for how I'd been unaware of others feelings in the past. Through witnessing these people, I have learned so much about self-awareness and respecting other people. I've now seen examples of things to reflect myself off of. I'm not actually socially retarded at all, I'm a genuine person with a good heart. I don't need to change who I am and I don't want to.

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anonymous Friends September 17, 2019 at 4:38 am 0 0