melancholic blank phase

struggling with hypersexuality for 8 years. help, ive tried everything from distracting myself, deactivating accounts, downloading browser blockers, and even weeks of phone detoxes, but whenever i finally have time for myself, i relapse. these relapses dont happen often though, yet its been increasing a lot lately, theyve gone from a couple times a year to a month. im stuck in this empty phase where i have no apetite, or energy to do anything. i want to lie on the grass looking at the sky, ants crawling my knees, but instead i lay on my cold floor for hours on end looking at the sky painted on my ceiling.
somtimes i dont even want to do it yet i do, i continue for hours on end, with my fingers uncontrollable, to the point my parts start to hurt. ive cried a couple of times before, once i even did it 20 times, planning when to do it, when my parents arent home, when i can moan loudly like a slut. it feels so wretched to hug your parents after doing such thing, to talk to your friends, pretend your normal with this fishy smell lingering your hands all the time. it may seem funny to read this but it genuinely feels like im stuck in life because of this, i always relapse, i constantly think about this, either being done to me or other people, it sucks. help@! i feel so filthy, its too shameful to ask for help in person, and too coward to try to cut my wrists hoping physical pain will soothe or atleast temporary distract these thoughts. what happened? i was supposed to be gifted, born into a lucky family, comfortable and yet im struggling with such a silly thing. i cant just stop. i do it even when i DONT WANT TO!!! do you understand what im sayng? this subconsious habit im doing is looping and looping in circles, id rather stand, stuck, than walk to see the next curvature.

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anonymous Body May 19, 2026 at 4:17 am 0 0