7 years

I’ve been with my boyfriend since we were 18. I remember he brought me a gift for my 18th birthday. It was sour patch candies and a card. We have weathered so much in seven years. He’s told me so many jokes I died laughing at that I don’t even remember. We’ve done so many fun things together. We have grown up together. But there is also tough times. We haven’t integrated with each others families, it’s difficult for me. Sometimes we trigger the worst parts of each other. Like my insecurity took me way too long to get a grip on. He doesn’t communicate his feelings and when I need him to talk to me the most, he shuts down. He’s a sweetheart though. Funny, talented, dedicated, hard working, handsome, messy, beautiful. We aren’t perfect. We both grew up with divorced parents that had shitty relationships, which maybe is why we agreed on not getting married. Or it could subconsciously be a lot of other things. I find myself realizing that I’m staying in this relationship out of the fear of the unknown. I’m deeply scared of not being with him. Even though it’s becoming increasingly clear we aren’t compatible. I have brought up to him that I feel he doesn’t care about my pleasure. What girl doesn’t want their man thirsting for them, giving them massages, touching on you, grabbing you, you know basic things that show you he thinks you’re a smoke show? But even more than that, he doesn’t satisfy my needs sexually. I actually give him a lot of blow jobs and do stuff with him , kinks he likes that I don’t find hot or turn me on but I do them because I know it gives him pleasure. we have sex but it’s never been about making me feel good, it’s about him coming every single time. I think the last time he made me come deliberately was years ago when he ate me out to completion. That was amazing and I still remember it but it was the only time. Countless days have gone by where I’m just screaming inside wanting to be touched and my pleasure be made a priority. Sometimes I feel like I’m complacent with him. I let him speak first. I let him decide what he wants to do. I stay quiet where otherwise I would explore. I don’t like it. I know it’s a lot of blame on him when really the one realizing all of this about myself. I just don’t like who I’ve become and I have a lot to let go of. I’m not as happy as I want to be and I don’t like it. I feel really bad. I don’t know exactly what to do. I’m scared.

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Ether Dating November 05, 2026 at 12:16 am 0 0