Trisha paytas crying on the kitchen floor p2

I don’t know what it is. Is it my personality? My impact on others? My loud mouth laughter? My rbf? What is it that drives a guy away after we spend a night together. Are all guys possibly this heartless and nonchalant? I’m 22 and about to graduate college, I’ve never had a successfully sustained relationship with someone else in college, but had a semi successful one in high school. Everyone around me is getting married or engaged and I feel like this was something in the making that should’ve taken place 3 years ago for me. I want the feeling of being loved, the certainty of it, the ability to lay down with someone and for them not to expect anything from me. I even find myself presupposing a man’s purpose for coming over to my house in the first place, and then I subconsciously end up sleeping with him, even though I don’t like doing it. I don’t like being this loosely gooey girl, I don’t like having physical intimacy as a replacement for the emotional intimacy I crave. It isn’t the same. Maybe I’m not ready for the emotional intimacy. But then how would I know? When I agreed to get food with someone 6 years ago, I had no idea that was going to begin our 3 year long relationship. Butterfly effect means you’ll never know for certain. What am I doing? I want love, I want to feel it but not let it touch me. I want it pushing through my soul like blood gushing out of a cut. I want it to hit me like a gunshot, for me to recognize that it’s happening, for me to be aware that my next moves might save me. I want to feel love so powerfully that it might kill me if I decide wrong. I want to be saved by someone else. Someone that isn’t me, who doesn’t bear all the responsibility for how my life turns out. Someone that I can build a life with, together, someone to make a foundation. But that’s just the thing. You don’t know anyone’s intentions. I wish we were like sims and we could see each other in third person, where an icon appears over their head that explicitly shows their desire. Where I can see how hungry they are, when they need to shower, when they want to sleep, so I can give them exactly what they need. I know the mathematical formulation of love is impossible; no one knows what other person needs, or even wants, even if they say it out loud. I know quantifying a strong relationship will only lead me to get rid of the ones that don’t meet those requirements. But then again, that’s my own personal struggle with trust. Not that I don’t trust them, but I don’t trust that I won’t pull away too soon.

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anonymous Relationships April 10, 2026 at 12:44 am 0 0