theres a hook on my ceiling eugh

i feel like i want to die. and its so annoying. everytime i have this pit my stomach. i just have to shove it down because im scared. im really fucking scared. i dont feel comfortable enough to express to my friends and it feels like me beiing homeschooled sets me apart... its going to sound hella selfish saying this, and i know im going to sound like a sick freak – i cut myself because i want scars, i want to know that what im feeling is real, that all of this is real.

theres a hook on my ceiling. i want to use it. but i cant. what am i leaving behind? am i really just sick to the stomach to everyone else? do i really act like im riding a high horse? am i that full of myself?

i know im not making it to 18, not like this. and its not like i can get anyone to help me because i emotionally dump on my mum and sister, i cant even feel safe enough to feel feelings with friends and the rest of my family...

and i constantly do things that end up back at me.

i wish someone would just tell me im a real boy, tell me my feelings are valid, i just wish someone would look at me and tell me its ok.
i really hope no one in my life finds this, seriously, if anyone pieces together its me and exposes it or smth im going to drown

---

anonymous Body October 14, 2025 at 11:39 pm 1 0