there is no better

There will be no better. I’ve been stuck like this for 5 years trying to change, trying to convince myself there isn’t something inherently wrong with me, that I will stop being a disgusting fuck up and one day get a grip. Funny I remember writing something like this vaguely maybe a year ago. The cycle does not stop and this doesn’t end. I am utter alone . Why do I care so much and why do they not care at all? Being used as a last resort and trying to pretend as if my loneliness hasn’t been fucking eating me inside. Thought I got used to this but I just think about escaping, me being someone entirely new. I brought this on myself, this self hatred is fucking obnoxious and suffocating and yet I can’t stop. I want this shit to stop man. I gave up on trying to punish myself when I realised I automatically ruin things anyways. Fuck everyone who pretended to care and left as soon as they found someone better. Fuck you all who saw my pain and anger and called me a failure. Might be worth nothing and insignificant im sick of feeling like this. Every single day I ruminate and I worry and I think and calling people and distracting myself is absolutely point. There is no escaping this misery and I just want to change and I really want someone to understand.

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anonymous Other May 15, 2026 at 5:25 pm 0 0