My relationship with food

I'm a scrawny young woman who constantly gets comments such as oh do you not eat, you'll fly away with the wind, eat more butter and ghee. Ever since I was a child, food has never interested me, I only indulged in it after i grew up because it provided a space for conversation and bonding. Recently, I've been quite stressed that I lost my appetite entirely. I would eat one meal a day and even that would be too much, I would feel full after 5 bites the even if I felt ravenously hungry. I started my vacation a week back and after a really long time , I regained my appetite and gosh it felt good. I was eating and enjoying the activity, for its own sake not for anything else. I was finally feeling better, in a strange way, it reassured me about life. Today, I cooked breakfast for myself and sat down to eat when my mom screamed at me for eating instead of cleaning up the "mess" I made in the kitchen. It was one chore after another. I don't mind the chores, like it's also my responsibility as a member of the house but this one really bothered me. I felt myself losing the will to eat. My mom has trouble eating and thinking back she projected that onto me and my sister. We always ate less , not because we didn't have enough but because my mom throught this was enough. Every time I had anything to say about the food as a kid, she shamed me enough that I felt guilty for expressing my preference. I don't think I was an entitled brat but I started to feel guilty about saying anything about food. These circumstances scarred my relationship with food. I don't even blame my mom but I wish I wasn't screamed at for the simple act of slowly enjoying my breakfast. I don't know why this is bothering me so much. This isn't new nor shitty, I'll get over it :(

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Kolakoala Home December 11, 2025 at 11:51 pm 0 0