I want him to want me still

It's been two years since our situationship begun. Before that, I wanted him for three years. I ended the situationship because he saw me as someone he could lose his virginity to, because he felt like he had to lose it and the worst thing in the world for him was to be an adult virgin, He didn't see me as someone he could love, at least not in the way I did. He told me he felt bad for me and told me I should make out with other guys. He fumbled a situationship with another girl in the summer and I told him he should try getting in a relationship this time. He made a girl he met his girlfriend in two weeks after I told him that. I was in a situationship for 6 months, and in front of his friends he treated me like someone he barely knew. With her, it took only two weeks. She didn't have to wait. They have been together for a year. She is skinnier than me, and that sent me into a spiral. I wanted to tear my skin off. I honestly still think if I starve myself, he might think, "I shouldn't have let her go, she is actually pretty." I would say he is, in a way, homo-social. He is public about his relationships and friendships when they uplift his social status. I am by no means ugly, though I am neurodivergent, and his boyfriends consider me odd. I have to be extra beautiful to be liked. He likes women that his friends like, and he decides that after consultation. He can then freely show the women off and be praised. It has been over a year, and I don't like him the way I did, though I still feel a good amount of fondness towards him; we are childhood friends, so I could never hate him for not liking me.However sometimes I wish upon him regret. I don't want him to come back to me, I just hope he remembers me and cries for an hour or so. And I hope the thoughts of regret linger for a month, and they feel so strong that he has to write them down and store them somewhere outside his head.

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Elissa Relationships November 05, 2025 at 7:23 pm 0 0