i can’t fucking sleep, and if i do weird shit happ

my mom passed away last month, and its been a month and a week from now already, my environment’s too quiet without her, (i’m an only child btw, dad’s long deceased too, that’s that..)i usually cry myself at night and tire my eyes out so i can finally get some rest and sleep but that’s already when the sun is about to rise, and if i don’t cry..i just stare at a wall or a cieling until my eyes give out then i’d black out; for the whole month i was numbed then the new week after i’d cry every night till now actually, i saw everything, i saw how life was slowly and surely drifting away from my mama, then i too saw her last cough as she passed away, i was there through everything, after her death i sent her to the hospital to get her records (death certificates n other hospital stuff), then at her wake, finally the burial. idk how i managed to function during those times but i made sure to show up and do it all despite the chaos within me that looking back now i was definitely floating most of those times, my head aches and so does my heart; i miss her so much.

i am a very hyper self aware person, whatever a therapist would say, i already thought and knew; and to add to it i was in the field before too, i’m still just a human, i feel hollow more than ever despite my grand efforts in coping right, i’m tired man..

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carpenters Other July 23, 2025 at 4:05 pm 0 0