Wife behaving strange and terrible

Why do you women have to constantly find an issue or make one up? Why are you always picking fights with your bf's and husbands? Why can't you just DO something without making remarks about it, or getting in our face, or walking around sighing and grunting and seething about it?

My wife had to be so hateful and irritating when she does one damn thing. She was around this morning groaning and huffing and puffing over the damn laundry! She has been doing this on a regular basis, and the same shit when she makes food, or does any sort of thing around the house at all. She acts like she shouldn't have to do it or something, or that I should get up from what I am doing to help. We've been married two years and it never was a problem until the past few months. Suddenly, she blames me for everything, acts tired constantly, is grumpy and moody, and just...glares at me. Over nothing! I mean, I told her when we got married that I was raised to believe that domestic work IS woman's domain. My mother always did it, AND she worked as well (my wife works too) and grandmother did it all, and SHE worked too. My sisters always helped my Mom around the house as well. It is just, how it is in a home. My dad never did laundry, he didn't do cleaning stuff, he rarely prepared meals or did the clean up from that, and my mother never complained, or acted angry, or burned out, or fed up. She did it all and was always smiling and often singing doing it. Then, she managed to hold down her full-time job as well, as a nurse in a time when it was much harder for nurses than it is now because of technology. My grandmother was a teacher, she taught first grade, and then later fifth grade, she never complained, and she managed to take care of household duties, and teachers had it harder then too!

My wife is also a nurse, and yes, she works long shifts, BUT she only works THREE days out of the week, so she has literally FIVE days off, from Wednesday to Sunday! She sometimes chooses to pick up an extra shift, but it is usually only for a few hours to cover for someone running late or who called in sick.

I work from home. I take calls all day about banking questions. Yes, I am at home...yes, sure, I have a job that doesn't require physical labor, BUT it is still a job, it is stressful, and I am the man, and I don't believe that I should be expected to take on domestic chores. My mother agrees with me when I have had this discussion with her, and when I met my wife, I told her that is how I felt. She said she "didn't mind" doing it, and although I told her I'd help out with SOME things on certain times when she couldn't (like if she was working, or was sick or when she was pregnant, even though both my grandmother and mother did find with that too) but that didn't mean I believe that is my personal responsibility to take on. I mow the lawn, I do take out the trash about once a week. I will shovel the walkway when it snows heavy. I do thing that are traditionally for men. I will try to fix things if I can too. I believe in traditional gender roles, as far as that, and she knows that.

Lately though, she hasn't been folding my clothes. She has folded hers and put them away, but will leave mine. Then today, she didn't even put mine in the washer. Only hers. She picked them up off my side of the floor, and came out, snarled at me and shook her head, took the basket of clothes to the laundry room while asking me very rudely how come, "You can't even manage to get your clothes in the laundry bin?"

I didn't answer her, because it was abrasive and I don't respond to that. She can ask me nicely to try, but not talk at me like that. Now, I am going to keep doing it until I get an apology and I text her that after she left today to go see her friend and assumably bitch about me, and tell her what a horrible husband I am now, all because I left my boxers, a shirt, and my jeans from yesterday on the floor. It was three items! I also told her I wanted us to have time together today, but instead she ran off to her friend, one that I don't like and she knows that. That wasn't even planned, she just up and left! I also told her that I don't like that when she goes out with that friend, she ends up spending money on food and coffee, rather than her eating at home like I do, and drinking coffee here or putting it in at thermos and taking it, like how I do it. She goes on about how it is "her" money, and then always rubs it in my face how she make smore than me, and is a "professional", whereas, I am not, and "just work in a call center." That also has been her thing lately, reminding me that she brings in more income and has a medical/nursing degree, and I "just" work in a call center. I still earn, and I still pay the bills, I still contribute, and it is OUR money and I don't spend like SHE does.

Last week it is a big fight because she got Dutch Bros on her way to work, and I saw it the online bank statement, that I check daily. I told her that we can't afford that, and she didn't even discuss it with me to see if she could get a drive-thru coffee today. She used to ask me if it was okay for the weekly budget, and I'd tell her what she could spend, but now she doesn't. I believe she also has opened a separate bank account, because half of her paycheck is being split when I check our account. She won't tell me where her account is it, give me access, give me a debit card, or any information about why she is doing that, or how much she has, or what percentage is being deposited.

I am sure her friend filled her head with this idea, which only translates in my mind to that she is saving to eventually leave. I asked her, and she told me to "Mind your own business, just like you tell me when I ask where about your money." She was referring to a safe I have, where I keep cash locked-up with a code, along with our gun, and a few other vital documents regarding insurance and titles and such. I don't give her that code because it is my job to oversee that and manage it. I keep trach of it, not her, and I need to be the one to access those things if the time comes for it. That money isn't surplus or for free spending, or her use for whatever. She tells me that it is her money because it comes from our shared account, where her pay is deposited. Well, that IS true, but I told her I will be the one t manage those EMERGENCY cash funds, not her, and there is no more discussion.

So, her passive-aggressive response was to tell me the same thing about this separate account she has opened and refuses to tell me anything about.

My mother said I can get a lawyer and compel her to hand over access to me, but I don't want to go that far yet. I am hoping she comes to her senses, and starts to think like a mature adult again soon.

Now today, I had to use my break to do my own laundry, because otherwise I would be out of clothes for the week! She is nowhere to be found, won't answer a text or call. I can't leave because I am working.

I text her and asked her what her plans for dinner was, and she replied an HOUR later, "I might not be home for dinner. Order something or make it yourself. I went grocery shopping there is food."

I text back that I don't like to cook, and she knows that. I told her that I don't order delivery or go out to eat, because it is too expensive, especially now that she has been going out for iced coffees more than once a day, and eating out or ordering food for nearly every meal, including at work (she use to take her lunch to work)

I heard nothing back, at all. So, I guess she has no concerned that me, her husband, is going to have to spend gas to drive to his parents house to get dinner tonight, because she apparently has no plans to even come home until she feels like it! I txt her again and told her that I am glad we haven't had kids yet, because it terrifies me that she would be treating them this way , with no concern if they even eat or have clean clothes! I got no text back. Nothing from that either.

She also has been pissy with me, because I do have a daughter from a former relationship (not a marriage) and that daughter comes to visit once a month for a week. That is the arrangement. I feel like, as my wife, she should be making an effort to act as a step-mother to my daughter who is seven years old. She is kind to her, and helpful, that isn't the issue, but the problem arouse last month when she got her dressed for school in the morning. The clothes were unacceptable, entirely mismatched, and the leggings were too tight in my opinion AND had a hole in them. I told my wife, "No way, back upstairs, redress her..." and I was half joking, I didn't yell or or bark it at her, I was just directive as the man and her husband. Well, she never did it, and ended up me having to find my daughter new clothes to wear, which nearly made me late for work. My wife told me that I could pick out her clothes from that point on and "never speak to me in that tone, ever again."

What tone??? I was just instructing her that outfit was NOT okay???

So anyway, now I am ending my half day at work, my wife is nowhere to be located, and isn't acknowledging my existence, and has money building up somewhere that she keep me away from, because she clearly has ulterior motives. Doesn't seem she is going to do my laundry, only hers. She obviously isn't planning on meal prep anymore, and she also hasn't bothered with the usual stuff she used to do everyday. Every day she had different routines. Vacuuming one day. Mopping another. Dusting another day. Picking up around the house daily. That sort of thing to maintain a clean home, but not get overwhelmed, but now....she isn't doing any of it!

The dog tracked in mud after it rained, and now it is dried has been on the kitchen tile for over three days and she hasn't done ONE thing about it. My mom came over and scraped it off the floor for us, and then wiped it down with cleaner for us! I don't know if the dishes in the dishwasher are clean or dirty either, because she hasn't unloaded it, and I asked her if she could simply restock the bathroom and she hasn't. I was doing a number two today and barely had enough TP, and now the spool is empty. She used to check the bathrooms on a regular basis, and now isn't doing that at all.

She also put some of my stuff in a box and stored it on the garage. I had some of my Harry Potter books that I've had since childhood, out and stacked next to the couch. I liked them there. She was carrying some boxes in from Amazon, and accidently kicked them over. Well, I mean naturally I sort of lost my shit over it, because of what they mean to me. Then she told me they are "constantly" in the way, and she has tripped over them repeatedly when carrying stuff. Then added this crap about how "Since you never help me bring food in, or dishes out and my hands are overloaded!"

I gave up arguing with her, because, I won't talk to someone who is elevated and raising their voice. They need to calm down and act logical and rational before I will address them. Getting angry over books stacked is irrational, and not understanding why I became angry over her kicking them over and nearly knocking my coffee on them, is also irrational on her part. My anger was justified. She refused responsibility and tried to project it onto me, and I won't entertain that. I am better than that.

So, I came home to them stuffed in boxes and stored in the garage! When I tried to go get them, she began screaming at me once more. I ignored her, and simply brought them back inside and put them stacked near the couch how I had them, in my space and in my home. I told her she will need to heed caution around them, and we won't have an issue. Simply, be mindful of your footsteps and movements. It is a very easy thing to do, and I will not listen to her when her voice escalates over this. She knows what those books, and the rest of my HP movies and memorabilia means to me, and now she has been low-key mocking it. She refuses to read the books or watch the movies, telling me I am a grown man and need to "get over it." She never was like that before, she knew I was a HP fan when we met and was seemingly okay with it. She is older than me, so didn't grow-up with Harry Potter, so just doesn't understand what it meant to my generation. She is older Millennial, I am younger.

I could go on and on about the issues she is causing, and my confusion about why this seems to be a trend now with modern women. Women are creating drama and chaos, where there was none. Many men are noting this in their lives, and that is why they are choosing not to date women or get married now. Something changed in women, made them selfish, apathetic, lazy, careless, and ...well....rather stupid and useless to be honest. They do so little around the house now, if anything at all. Have zero respect for their husband's and our space and traditions in our homes. They are refusing to have children (my wife utterly WILL NOT get pregnant, and refuses over and over to get her IUD removed, to the point I don't even want sex with her, but she seems PERFECTLY fine with this. Then I found toys in her drawer an that was another argument. She can have sex with plastic dongs and latex vibrators but not me?)

I just don't know what is going to come of this. I won't be treated this way in my home. I won't be told I am not important because I don't earn what she does or do the work she does, and I won't be told that my own personal belongings are in the way or as she put it "hoarding mess" or that she won't include my laundry in her laundry anymore, leaving it piled up without telling me until I discover it. Then find out, she has money somewhere I am shut out of. I won't be ignored over meals anymore either. I won't be glared at, given dirty looks, snapped at , or talked down to in my home.

When she comes back tonight, I don't care how late it is or how tired she is, there is going to be a serious sit down discussion, and she is going to act rational and LISTEN to what I have to say, not interrupt, and not blow up. I am going to reinstate the guidelines and expectations of our marriage and home, and give her another chance to get over whatever it is going on with her and making her be this way.

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Keagan T. Home October 31, 2025 at 3:13 pm 1 2