Well, that would never be someone like me. I have no problem viewing people as equals, and I've taken showers with my ex. Our hygiene was legit. I don't know your religious or political views.

All that said, some of what you're ranting about I feel like aren't as grounded or realistic as you think. With my last most serious gf I was pretty sexually expressive. Of course, it was with her consent. A big part of that is my PTSD. I don't talk much, and I haven't for a long time. I used to ramble and it got me in a lot of trouble so over time I became more quiet. Plus, I developed pretty severe anxiety with that PTSD so I spend a lot of time having to fight and reframe my thoughts. That's a little thing that they teach in therapy.

I am not necessarily interested in sex because I'm some male with a ton of testosterone. I love the female body, and it's an easier way to relate to someone. People really don't want to hear me run my mouth like Russell Means. Not even my family who are native like me and him. Plus my mind is often in a million places at once, trying to form connections, fighting memories, reframing thoughts, and so on. That intimacy beyond holding hands, whether it's having her in my lap or us being closer than just holding hands is kind of my love language.

I get there need to be boundaries and such for various reasons, but at the same time I feel like placing that expectation on people uniformly is also unfair. In my case it's a catch-22. When I ramble about things I like people either treat me like a "know-it-all" or try to argue with me. When I talk politics like Russell Means I'm not diplomatic enough, even for democratic voting natives.

So obviously I wouldn't be your type. I've been through a ton of therapy and it hasn't changed. It likely won't change. Again, negative feedback regularly. Stuff like this isn't a choice like cosmetic surgery, and I think it's unfair when people treat it that way as a way of pretending to be open minded or accepting of others. Honestly, expecting me to find a balance in a catch-22 is why I don't really bother with women unless they approach me first. Even then, gotta be careful because of stuff like this.

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anonymous 2 hours ago

An example on the rambling thing would be "The Boys of Summer". There were a few points I made that I felt outlined why I think The Ataris version was more successful than Don Henley's. Some of them are insulting toward Don, sure, because I'm not really aware of anyone knowing he was in a band outside of the Eagles unless that's prior knowledge. Despite this, a counterargument was to compare him to Michael Jackson. If Don himself wouldn't see a problem with that comparison then there's a few issues. One, his use of The Grateful Dead in that song doesn't belong because now he's on the level of the greatest pop star of all time. Two, he isn't on Michael Jackson's level.

When you think of Don Henley though you're rarely thinking of his solo career. You're often thinking of the major hits that the Eagles wrote: Hotel California, Take it Easy, Desperado, and so many others I'm forgetting even though I grew up on them. I fucking grew up on these guys man, and I didn't even know about his pre-Eagles shit or solo shit for the longest time. My mom has like two vinyls of Hotel California. I had to study Tom Petty for PoliSci class, and when he died that was covered in class as a political event (politics is everywhere). I still can't remember the name of the guitarist who wrote The Boys of Summer. No shade toward the guy, but his name is just not that important to me. Tom Petty had some bangers, but there's a lot of filler there too. Plus, I don't really like their approach to music. He said they never really explored beyond the original key a song was written in.

These minor points are apparently points against me. The fact that The Ataris change "The Grateful Dead" to "Black Flag" is somehow a strike against them? Has Henry Rollins and the Black Flag before him changed their views at some point? I recall an old interview where Henry tears into an interviewer for them disrespecting their female bassist. Isn't that sort of shit the Grateful Dead are known for? How about Henry constantly saying he'd rather be heard than paid, and was working a minimum wage job before he got his break? Isn't that all Grateful Dead values?

Moreover, I like the more humanistic approach to the cover. I get the use of a drum machine was cool in the 80s. Haydn used a lot of pauses in his music too, that for a moment in his time was considered really cool too. Until it wasn't. Again, somehow a point against me?

if the original had been written like something Jesse Davis or Roy Buchanan would've wrote where every note mattered, then fine. That isn't the case, and I'd argue that Ataris stripping that machine out for a human drummer brought it closer to that minimalist place. I wish I was better with names but I much prefer Pink Floyd's style to some solo guitarist for Ozzy.

The original song was big in the mid-80s, but that 2000s cover had the same effect as Avril Lavigne did in the early 2000s. It's literally the only song of theirs I know. If I know others it's because a different band covered them. And yes, Avril is easily on their level. The RnR HoF is a joke because Dio was a better songwriter and singer than Ozzy. Heaven and Hell > even Vol. 4. IDGAF.

But see? I can't just say shit like that without going on the defensive and thinking of shit to such a high degree that people can't respond. Because they're gonna come at me with bullshit or only get technical about intervals or some shit to sound smart. I'm constantly on the defensive. it's not something I can turn off. Expectations like this aren't fair to me.

Besides, who's even heard of Jesse Davis? He's one of the most underrated guitarists of all time - Statesboro Blues changed music in a way you don't know. Bro literally accidentally rewrote Doctor My Eyes. He casually played alongside the inventor of Tone, Eric Claptone for fucking George Harrison. Bro played for Dylan, Starr, Lennon, and so many others. He influenced fucking Duane Allman.

If you don't let people like me who are constantly overthinking shit due to our PTSD have opinions then you're not going to get this sort of thing, and you're locking us in a catch-22 where the best move is to just say "fuck it altogether" like Orr did in the book.

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Continued 1 hour ago

Not letting me have opinions like that without immediately jumping to the defensive - and I could go a lot deeper. I'm more familiar with Beethoven, Haydn, etc than I am with contemporary rock. But I'd happily go further. Anyway, not letting us have those opinions is like expecting every woman to resemble a male's wet dream like Chelsea Charms or Beshine in their prime. Except, some women choose that lifestyle. No one actually clinically diagnosed with PTSD chooses PTSD. Absolutely fucking no one.

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anonymous 1 hour ago

And while I'm at it, it's fucked up how something is just buyer's remorse if you're not clinically mentally ill, but if you express any regret at all with mental illness you all of a sudden need therapy/meds. We're not allowed to make mistakes or have buyer's remorse. That double standard needs to die too if people want people like me to talk respectfully and open. Another fucked up double standard that needs to die.

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anonymous 1 hour ago

And also, even my mom shut the hell up when I said the Ataris had a better/more successful version of The Boys of Summer. My family love telling me I'm too arrogant and that I'm insane. She also loves The Eagles. If I had a point talking to her, and I did, then I know damn well I had one against online trolls too. But people like me can't see shit.

Just figured I'd throw that out too.

Oh and far as pauses go in Haydn's time. I think Swift is like one of the only contemporary artists who relies on that in her grammar. Except for stuff like Floyd which tends to be heavily reflective. His double endings are also things you rarely see anymore. Very cool technique, but not timeless or universally appreciated. Times change. Doesn't mean you can't be nostalgic. Just means nostalgia isn't some universal truth.

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anonymous 53 minutes ago

Swift - Blank Space

Ironically her use of the pen click is the exact reason people got sick of Haydn's pauses - they become periods. She uses them to add color to the song in a non-musical way. Wanna say the 10 minute fall pumpkin spice sad girl version of All Too Well is pretty reflective too. In fact, I think it was kind of a thing on Red.

Just a funny fact now that I think about it. A little win of hers that probably no one really thinks about.

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anonymous 45 minutes ago

Also another point - my interests shift a lot. It may seem like I've got ADHD or ADD or some shit. IDK. I'm not an expert on those. It's a coping mechanism to avoid hard to deal with shit. Kinda how things work when you're depressed. Sometimes you lose motivation or an enjoyment in something or it shifts to something else or just disappears altogether. What am I supposed to do then? Put on a mask to make people happy? I already do all that due to my PTSD. I don't like telling people my story and it's not like I'm a felon or some shit so why should it matter? But now I gotta wear a mask over my mask to please people too. how is that fair?

Can I go around and start expecting women to wear platforms like Ella Graves? Shit, she can kinda move in them too. No, right? And that's fair. But expecting me to wear multiple masks is fair.

Just another reason I can't people and need disability to survive. Literally tried to "kill the indian to save the man", forced my great grandparents into boarding schools which directly impacted my grandma and mom. Taught it was politically correct to call us savages at a time that Russell Means told congress the USA was using education to wage a psychological war against us.

Can't say shit though. Always gotta be pushing to be some great guitarist or pianist or video game developer or whatever pursuit I've decided on for the moment to drown out the thoughts and try to be productive. Man, people.

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anonymous 26 minutes ago

And then when I do tell people my story and how I spent so much time out of school before I got my GED - 13 years. They joke about drug use. I've seen a lot of people die due to drugs. People close to me and some amazing people who put me on the path I am on now. People who didn't get to see me succeed.

But not me. My refusal to follow their lead in taking drugs is why I'm here. Apparently, though, you're not allowed to spend large periods of your life trying to learn how to deal with undiagnosed ptsd, overcome shitty circumstances, and ultimately learn to program and animate at a high enough level to go from a GED holder to grad school dropout.

and that dude tried to be Masvidal. Lmao. 3 piece combo. I wish that stupid motherfucker threw. I grew up reinforcing the stereotype we're all a bunch of savages who solve our problems with our fists. My mom would regularly laugh when my bullies were bigger than me and I still beat their ass. Ultimately, that's why I was almost jumped half an (american) football team vs me. They weren't gonna win 1-on-1.

I took that time to learn shit and improve myself and when I tell people they still joke about drug use and me being a virgin even though I lost my virginity before they knew what virginity was. People don't ever believe me though because my story is fucked up. I'm fucked up too, but apparently that's from something other than all my experiences growing up? IDFK how that works.

Oh and I've trained with some legit boxers since dropping out of HS so it would've been great if he had thrown.

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anonymous 21 minutes ago