The cycle never ends

I am so tired of living. Summer vacation ends in 9 days, and I am dreading going back to my life routine and i need tips asap. I have School, chores, karate, Girl Scouts, tutors, Exam prep. I don't want to go back. I hate school so much you wouldn’t even get it. Wake up at six, get ready for two hours and leave the house at eight. Walk 15 mins to your bus in whatever weather. Wait for the school bus. You try to make yourself sociable by talking to your 'school friends' because you are obliged to. It would be rude not to. School is even worse because you have no friends. I have never had a real friend in my entire life, so you have to hang out with friends who judge you, secretly don't like you, or are nice, but you can't click with them. You try to fit in with these friends while balancing a shit ton of work from math, chemistry and biology; I have exams in a few months as well. It's break or lunchtime, and since I only have surface-level friends, I sit there for 50-odd minutes making dry conversation. I always embarrass myself at school because I'm big and overweight, and I'm black and ugly. I walk back home by four and have to do my chores the second I get back. Depending on the day, I either have karate, Girl Scouts, or tutoring. I come home, study, sleep, and wait for the cycle to repeat. I also have karate and work on Saturdays. It doesn't help that I'm fat and very ugly, so I have no love life and get bullied often. I wear makeup everywhere, so I don't get stares, but that means I have to wake up an hour earlier to do it. I also have a weird crush on a guy in my karate class, but I know he doesn't even look my way. He's white, younger than me, and definitely likes another girl. We have never talked, but when I had lost a bit of weight (I was 65kg like last month, and now I'm 71kg), he started talking to me a bit. It was surface level, but he was talking to me, complimenting me, and he stood REALLY close to me sometimes. But now, he doesn't even look my way. He once punched me in the face while sparring, and my makeup got on his gloves, a big brown stain. I got so embarrassed and left early. I am such a big embarrassment. I have 9 days until school starts, and I need to lose all that weight, but my fuckass parents aren't helping. They both started Mounjaro, and I really want to steal a shot, but I'm sure they'll notice. Any tips?

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anonymous Other August 12, 2026 at 4:23 pm 0 0