i feel a terrible shame in wanting to live

for the 4 years i have had no reason to continue living. i have sinply coasted through life with no plan, goal or want. i have tried to kill myself 3 times but lived through every attempt.

because i have made 3 attempts on my life i cant do military service or anything i have ever found interesting since i am a "high risk" individual.
at night time i miss the times where i had friends to keep me goi g but they have all disconnected from me and the few that are left no longer feel like real people. i have no will to continue but i am such a coward that i still can't bring myself to end my wasteful life. all i do in meantime is manipulate people since its entertaining. i know i am a bad person and it hurts me to know that i am alive and yet the person who loved me most is gond. life is fucking cruel and it only gets worse for the people around me. soon i am going to walk away one day after school and not come back. Maybe ill live, maybe ill die. i don't know i dont care either.

i love you mom

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mr man Other August 13, 2026 at 12:37 am 0 0