mom got mad again, is it normal?

You have been beaten,
you had your pride broken,
and your determination had been disproven.
You have seen the yawning chasms of the dark.
Yes, it has been hard,
so hard that you used every once of being to get to where you are now.
You have seen other mothers,
and learnt what you did not want to be.
Heck, you have learnt from your own mother
about the dangers of gambling and how it consumes a family. You have come a long way.
But should it be an excuse for you to do whatever want?

I will not say that I am proud of what you have become.
Because you hurt others, hurt your family -- hurt us.
How dare you, a mortal, rule with godly arrogance when you are flesh and blood?
How dare you try to take control of our past, present and future just to comfort your sad existence?
How dare, after so much suffering, you left yourself sink to this and claw your way up just to drag us down with you?
You could have made things better, made life better, both yours and ours.
All you had to do was own up to your mistakes.
To try to heal the damage you left.

Instead,
You take pride in what you have done to us.
Looked at the growing fear in our eyes when you were irritated and congratulate yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back because the fear you instilled was so we could survive in the outside world.
You see the lessons we have learnt from you and tell yourself we have learnt the skills needed to survive the business world. Sometimes, you just tell yourself we exaggerated what you have done, because it's what kids do.

You tell other people that we have exaggerated the story of you raising your hands when the sound of chewing became too loud for you, so much so that we learnt to carefully chew grains of rice into half and choose soft foods so that the sound of crunching doesn't irk you; that story of how many time you have raised your voice and instruments to beat the living shit out of us so much so that we learnt how to hear the sound of your breath, feel the tension coming and when it will break, notice the anger in your eyes and the rising loudness of your voice. You made us learn a lot of things we realize that are not normal later on, much too late - the feeling of your presence, the weight of your gaze - when you are looking and when you are not, the sensitivity of what to saw and what not to say to end the punishment quicker. How to make it not hurt physically and emotionally. It took lots of trial and error. Because you have been living in hell for so long, you have grown indifferent to the depths of hell and suffering.

All you have done,
all the things you justified yourself,
was null.
All the reasons you spill out is simply nonsensical.
All you have done is take a mother away from her children and taught those children how to survive and please people like you.
Now we are adults,
with hard shells and soft cores,
still and always the kid in us cries for comfort it has never received fully.

Therefore, I ask.
Is this what a mother should be? Or have the media portrayals dirtied and sweetened the portrayals of a parent? This is not what a parent should be (i think), but I am still unsure. Perhaps this is just another muttering of a hurt child dreaming?

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Soj Home November 05, 2025 at 8:45 am 0 0