Just getting things off my chest

I feel like I'm wasting away my life and it's so fucking stressful.
I'm addicted to my phone and weed and video games and probably 100 other things (like sugar, or fatty foods, ect.), so I just waste time sitting on a device waiting for things to change when they never will if I stay there. Nothing will change unless I fucking make change, and because it's not a feel good stimulation chemical I have no desire to do it. I'm about to graduate college and I've joined no clubs. I've got some friends, but not as many as some other people I know. I guess I shouldn't compare that because I'm not the most social person anyway, so I wouldn't be able to keep up with everyone. But still no clubs is pathetic. I hate driving, so that's my crutch excuse to get out of things. Basically I'm a hunk of junk that's accomplished little to nothing so far. I'm riddled with cognitive dissonance so strong that even the awareness that I am experiencing it isn't enough to snap me out of it. I'm currently in my early to mid 20s and I'm scared wake up at age 30 feeling the same way with no changes. And honestly, I should be fucking scared. I should be scared enough to run from it. And yet I sit here as a glob of human flesh complaining about things that I likely caused (procrastination, ignorance, ect.)
I need a wake up call. How can I give myself a wake up call? Who do I even want to be? How do I get there?

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No Other April 02, 2026 at 12:07 pm 0 0