I have no control

Why is he living like this? I cannot understand why my brother decided to hate me so much that he no longer want any contact with me. He lives like he has no one, no family on his side. He has so many people who wants to help him but he won't let anyone in. He found out he can skin cancer and went to the surgery by himself. He didn't tell anyone until my dad ask him why is there bandages on his hand. If my dad never asked, he would not had told anyone. I do not understand what caused him to be like this. We did not abuse him or even dislike him. His check up is this Thursday and I hope his results goes well. my dad is going with him so at least that put me at rest for a little bit. I wish I can understand him, if only he will let me.

My stepmom wants to go back to Vietnam. Her work won't let her go for that long so she is applying for leave of absence. I don't think they will approve it. She might just quick her job. The country they are stopping at for their connecting flight is getting affected by a war conflict. They feel unsafe to go and I have to look for a new flight for them. But they are worry about my problem and might not go. I too am worried about everything.

I am drowning at work. I have so much patience but this person is driving me crazy. She is so bad at her job. I have never wanted to kick someone off my team as much as I want to write her up. Work is now the least of my struggles. I still hate it since I am in busy season but compare to everything else, at least I still have a small bit of control left.

My Fiancé promised me that in Aug he would not need to financially support his family anymore. We were going to have an engagement party and then move out on our own. We would be able to split rent and save for a house, for a family. He just told me that he can't do that anymore because his family still needs his support for the next 2 years. He won't be able to help me pay rent since he needs to give more than what he already does to support his family. I don't want to leave him and I don't want to wait another 2 years for him. So I decided to take on the financial burden for the both of us. I will pay the rent and support us for the next 2 years hoping he can reap the benefits of helping his parents. He think the only way for him to start his life with me is to abandon his family.

I am so tired of waiting. Waiting for my brother to forgive me. Waiting for work to get better, Waiting for my Fiancé to put me first. I feel like all I am doing is waiting for something. Is there anyone waiting for me? Anything that is waiting for me instead? My future waiting for me to catch up...I feel like I have no control. I am grateful that I am still here, but I feel so helpless. So hopeless that things won't change. My Fiancé said we need to sacrifice for the things that we want. Am I not sacrificing enough? I already feel like I have lost so much of myself. I feel like i never knew who I was to begin with. I don't know what I wish to happen. I shouldn't be complaining when I am not doing anything to fix it. The only thing I am determine to fix is the situation with my Fiancé. I will take that into my own hand because I don't want to wait any longer to start my new life. I need something new.

Will I ever change? I could do things differently. I could be different. I guess I am also waiting on myself to be the person I want to be...

Everything will be ok, Everything always turn out ok.

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anonymous Other March 08, 2026 at 7:41 pm 0 0