I hate everything

I’m so exhausted with life but not in a suicidal way just that everything is going so unbelievably wrong that i feel like i have the worst luck in the world and i try telling myself other people have it worse and there are worse things that could’ve happened to me but it doesnt make me feel better because it can’t change my current circumstances. I don’t talk to my family, I’m actually so broke it’s not funny (and i have to hide it from my upper class friends so i have no one to talk abt this to) and i got in trouble with the law but it wasnt anything serious but still not good and I’m not doing well in school and in general i can’t tell anyone my problems. My friends are honestly fake but i don’t hate them, i love them and that’s why they’re still in my life though maybe it’s just because I’m scared to be alone and i don’t know how to create authentic friendships. A lot of shitty people say they don’t think they’re a shitty person and i don’t think I’m a shitty person but maybe that means I’m a shitty person but i don’t even know how or why and what i can do to change that. I feel like i try my hardest to please people to the point i end up making myself miserable. I hype up my friends and pretend I’m secure enough to not need their validation but honestly it’s because i know they get an ego boost when other people are insecure (they openly admit it) and i know most people would tell me to cut them off and it’s better to be alone than be with fake people but i genuinely love them and am scared to be alone and I’ve known them for so long that i can’t imagine cutting them out of my life. I have a lot of unrealistic expectations that someday everything will work out and i do my best to make it happen but it just doesnt because there’s so much i don’t have control over and the things i do have control over it’s not enough to change my life for the better (a lot of it being money issues). I think I’m genuinely stupid with no common sense. And I’m not usually the type of person to just believe things with no evidence and i do have a lot of evidence to support that. My head feels spacey all the time. I hate myself so much because i feel like everyone just knows how to act human and i don’t. Society tells everyone that they’re perfect the way they are but everyone knows that’s not true. That’s not how the world works. And i miss that one person who meant the world to me but we’ve grown apart, nothing bad even happened and i hate that. Conversations don’t feel like they used to. Now they feel forced. Life’s just like that sometimes and there’s nothing we can do to change that. This doesnt even feel like everything i need to say but i can’t think of anything else to say. I just wish my life was different and i had a bit more control over it.

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anonymous Other October 27, 2025 at 4:33 am 0 0