How do I deal with this?

Honestly, life has been so hard and disappointing lately that I can't even gather up the energy to cry anymore. Like — what's the use? It's not going to make God pity me. Maybe I wouldn't have been so upset if I wasn't paying for all this but I have to spend my parents money on it. All this happening around my birthday makes me even more upset. It's like my birth is a curse of misery or something. I literally can't run for help because they can't help either. It's so shitty. I don't understand how even with all the high chances, I'm still not getting in. I'm watching everyone's pity for me over this turn into disappointment, and it hurts like shit. But I can't bring myself to cry. I'm so fucking helpless and tired.
And if one thing to be upset about is not enough, all the triggers in my life decide to hit at the same time too. From crappy music everybody except me loves almost obsessively to being scolded by the most patient person on earth for being so lame.
This is probably too stupid of an issue compared to others who have much worse going on, but honestly, it makes me think I'm better off unalive

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anonymous Work May 28, 2025 at 2:43 pm 0 0