fvck all of this

okay so not sure if anyone reads this but here we go.

so basically i am a complete and total failure. med school destroyed my mental health, i'm a failure. i can't study at all, too lazy and unmotivated but at the same time i'm stressing over it. i am inferior to everyone there, i don't even know what i'm doing next to these people.

i am also very anxious and feeling low for months now. my thoughts and emotions just torture me. i overthink everything, feel low, i fight with passive $u!c!d@l thoughts and did sh. i don't know what's this but it slowly k!lls me inside. i am dead deep down, a r0tting zombie c0rpse.

also i'm g@y. i started to date this guy who is very nice and i'm in love with him. but i struggle with internalized h0m0ph0b1@. i h@t3 myself for being gay. he's a nice guy but i'm terrified i'll sabotage the relationship and be will leave me. also i can't trust him, i don't want him around any guys. i'm very insecure and jealous. i feel inferior to him (and to everyone in general). i h@t3 that i have to lie and make up excuses and hide who i am because i'm in love with a guy, not with a girl. only one of my friends know this, but she sort of "forced" me to come out. she's supportive and everything but yeah i'm scared other people will judge me for this.

also i go to therapy once a week, but it's at the beginning and i can't say too much stuff in 50 minutes.
i don't know what's this but it just sucks.

that's all. this is me being a pathetic excuse of a man. maybe i should just fvcking end myself.

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anonymous Other November 02, 2025 at 1:51 pm 0 0