Future Job

Do you ever look at someone you love, and feel that bitterness crawl underneath your skin? It's like mold. You can't do anything but watch as it festers and grows, before it completely consumes you. It's like a snap. And its frequent.

I think I have some bipolar disorder. Some depressive bipolar disorder or something. I go into depressive episodes for a week or two at a time and then fall into an episode of extreme energy and motivation. This usually lasts for only a week, and I can feel the depressive episode creeping in at the weeks end. It's little negative thoughts at first. I'm conscious of this shift the entire time. And then I feel angry. I feel irritated towards my friends and family, as if they are bothering me. I just want to be alone.

The problem is, I really want to become a navy fighter pilot. I have to go to the military anyways; my grades haven't been good since elementary school. I have no other interests anyway, because I've had this stupid depressive episode shit since I was in sixth grade (I'm a senior in high school now).
People always say to find a purpose in life to overcome your depression, and I've tried-but I literally have no motivation for anything. I am a depressed addict. I'm addicted to weed and its only making everything worse. I wish I could disappear.

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Valarie Work November 02, 2025 at 5:54 pm 0 0