Am I dramatic?

People have siblings, if not siblings they have cousins. It's a close bond with someone closer to your age. A bond tied by family. You can hate them but at the end of the day you can never truly hate them. They are ur blood, your family and tied to your souls. And yet I have none .

I've never had siblings. Idk what it's like. It's so normal for a lot of people but I'll never know how that "normal" feels. Its been a long time since I gave up wanting to know how that feels , infact I like having no siblings, afterall that's the life I've known my whole life, why change it.

But tge closest thing I had for as siblings were my cousins. Especially my two cousin sisters. I thought maybe they could be my sisters. My older sisters. I was really close to the younger one. She's four years older than me. I adored her, looked up to her and loved her. I thought she was the coolest and funniest person ever. We used to jump on beds do plays for our parents. She taught me stuff and jokes and made me a promise that she'd play with me until she was 20 years old. Back then when I was 4 and she was 8, the age 20 felt agessss away. Its now ironic how I'm gonna be 20 next year.

But the thing is , I remember sleeping over at their place or her sleeping over at mine. Me goofing around with her and making good memories. She was always so kind to me. She was always so nice to me. I loved her but a part of me felt jelous. Always jelous. That my two cousins would always share a deeper bond with each other than with me. Later as years went on our parents got into arguments and we met up less. But our bond stayed the same.

I was always so excited to see her after all to me she was my cool older sister. But the older we got the more I felt that I was just an annoyance. Of course she was always nice to me . But I'd go to there place but she'd never show up. I was always the immature younger sister. And that's when I realised I was never her friend. I was never seen. Maybe I was always a burden. Maybe I was always just tolerated. Maybe all the memorable memories I had weren't as whimsical as I remembered.

Even now I miss her. But how can you miss something you never had. I'm always the one texting. Only to get formal but truly kind replys . But why do I feel like someone just punched me in the gut.

Why do I wish she'd ask me how I am or just give me a call. She seems fine with doing that to my grandma. At family friends gathering why did she choose that guy over her own cousin she'd known most of her life. Why did they all just forget about me. Why did she just forget about me. I miss her. I want that relationship back . I miss jer. I remember playing with her and her friends. I remember her forcing me to dance when I was being shy. I miss my older sister. I miss her so much. But maybe I never had an older sister. HOW THE FUCK DO U MISS A PERSON WHO U NEVER FUCKING HAD IM SO PATHETIC.

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June Home March 05, 2026 at 1:06 pm 1 0