Tolerating

How is it that almost everyone I love and care for leaves me eventually? Aside from familial matters, I'm pretty sure they're through with what I'm giving them, but can't just abandon me because it's their "obligation and responsibility." I'd rather give up than stay inside a household that tolerates me, not celebrates me. Respect? Respect shouldn't be given; it should be earned, and it should be reciprocated. How am I supposed to respect your wishes when you yourself barely respect me? I can't just keep on tolerating BS behavior just for me to feel small. How am I supposed to reciprocate your love when that love still feels like a threat? "Only the digit changed this year, grow up," they said. Why don't YOU grow up instead of being the child that you are? At times, I feel like the adult. At times, I feel like I have to grow up faster than the rest, and it's A PAIN. How am I supposed to change when YOU and YOUR ACTIONS prevent me from changing? I wanted to express myself through the way I dress; I wanted to embrace 2026 as I am and with open arms, yet you see it as a threat. You think that if I reject your suggestions, it means that I wasn't open-minded. You're fcking wrong. "But think about how people would see you. What would they say if you went out dressed like that?" Do I look like I care? You're concerned about me because YOU'RE concerned about the way people would think about YOU, not me entirely. YOU'RE concerned about the way people would think about YOU with ME. You're scared people may think differently of you because I act differently, because they might think you didn't raise me right, but that shouldn't be a problem because WE ACT DIFFERENTLY. ALL OF US FCKING DO. You're only letting it get to you because YOU LET IT. You want me to do this and that, IT'S CONTROLLING, not directing. You're not suggesting, you're not 'making my life better,' YOU'RE RUINING IT BY MAKING ME CHOOSE **YOUR** CHOICES. Even my strand, my course, my potential career, my potential future, and here I thought you've changed. You're doing it for your convenience, not because you want to. You're such a performative sshole that only gives a fck when people are watching. You implant the 'Motherly love' on them like you didn't just ruin my life and change its trajectory. Yeah, thank you for being the btch that you are. I hope you're happy with what you're doing. Feed your ego.

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anonymous Relationships January 02, 2026 at 8:12 am 1 0