Pissed at Mom

I am done with my mom. Don’t get me wrong, my mom can be great when she actually pays attention to me, but in a household of 8 that rarely happens. I’m definitely not her favorite kid; in fact, I might be one of if not her least favorite(s). She acts all caring and says she loves me and maybe she does, but from my perspective all she does to me is make me feel guilty about everything I do and choose and feel worthless. She constantly gossips to my older sister who is basically her best friend and I never know if they talk about me (they definitely say some things) but every late night talk in the kitchen is complaining about or judging someone else. On to why I’m pissed. My birthday is coming up, but more importantly my birthday party. It’s the summer, so I want to go out and do fun things with my friends and not sit around the house every day, but that’s what I’ve ended up doing for the past month. For my birthday I was planning on going to an escape room place with a group of my friends, then two of them were going to sleep over and the next day we’d go to an amusement park. Yesterday I randomly got asked to go to said escape room place by some friends but it wasn’t the exact escape room I was doing for my party, so I thought it was fine. I asked my dad if I could go and he was good with it, but my older sister (mom’s bff) was getting all pissy because I went at 9:30pm, so decently late at night. The next morning, my sister and mom were talking in the kitchen while I was in there, and my sister being the bitch she is said “Where are you going today?” (I was in my pjs) “You never go anywhere besides escape rooms at 10 at night.” My mom was surprised and FUMING. She told me that that’s exactly what I’m doing for my birthday and it takes away the fun and speciality of doing it for my birthday, and asked if I didn’t wanna go to an escape room for my birthday party anymore. I felt she was exaggerating it and I hadn’t done anything with my friends all summer so I just wanted to do something fun, but now she’s upset at me. Going back a few days, one of my friends asked me if I wanted to go to her beach house with her and our other friend on Monday (today). I said I really wanna go so I’ll ask my parents once they’re home, but that wasn’t for a day or so. As soon as my mom came home yesterday late afternoon, she said she was super tired and was really annoyed that she got a text about me going to a beach house without me asking, and said that I was busy (all I had was a softball game in the evening). I knew that but I still tried to convince her because my friend was missing softball to go, and it was definitely going to get rained out because it was going to rain all day. She told me it was my choice but she thinks it’s “really bad timing” and she listed out many reasons why I “probably” shouldn’t go. She’s clearly guilt tripping me, oh but it’s “my choice to go or not.” I felt really bad because I’d missed a bunch of softball games so I didn’t want to miss another one and disappoint her, plus I was apparently going to do something with my oldest sister (not mom’s bff, still a bitch but way nicer to me) in the morning and it was her last day before going back to college so I also felt bad about missing that. I texted my friend and told her I couldn’t go anymore, extremely disappointed. Fast forward to today, my oldest sister forgot about doing the thing with me in the morning (that I got up at 6am for) and my softball game got rained out, just like I thought. I’m really upset right now about that bc I ended up sitting on the couch all day again with nothing to do when I could’ve been with my friends at a beach house. Now, about an hour ago one of my friends asked if I was busy tomorrow. Getting excited, I said yes and it turns out she wanted to go to the amusement park I was already taking her and another friend to for the smaller part of my birthday party. I really really really want to go because I’ve only gone once before but with my family so it’d be way more fun with my friends, but I remembered what my mom said about taking away the speciality of doing it for my birthday party. I told her I’d try to convince my mom but there really was no chance of convincing her, and I felt really bad because my friend was upset. So, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to the amusement park tomorrow. Oh, and today is apparently not my sisters last day before going back to college, but tomorrow is, and that’s part of the reason why I can’t go because we’re going family stuff all day. Yay for me, it’s just adding onto the list of reasons why I want to fucking kill myself or at least self harm, which I’ve been thinking about doing. People will tell me it’s a bad idea and shit but I really don’t give a damn anymore because all this shit has just stressed me out and weighed me down, and I feel like more and more layers of mentally damaging things have been added onto me. My parents/mom are strict and love to guilt trip, no one truly cares for me, I’ve had some body image issues recently, I’ve realized I’m not as smart as I think and I’m a fucking dumbass (and people love to remind me), I realized I’m bi a few months ago but have yet to and don’t really want to tell anyone, my siblings love to make fun of me as they do to everyone in our family but their comments can be REALLY harsh, I probably have many, and I mean MANY undiagnosed mental disorders, and I. Am. Done. With. This. Shit. Fuck my life, I thought this rant would help but really it’s just a 30 minute long paragraph where I did not unload enough and didn’t really help with anything, and no one is going to see this and help me. No one is going to fucking read all of this shit either and honestly can someone just shoot me dead. I’m getting yelled by my dad at as I type this so I hope this made me feel better (it definitely didn’t.) Bye fuckers

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anonymous Home June 30, 2025 at 8:33 pm 1 0