Over whelmed

I’m just going to pour it all out on here. Last week I was doing really well and reading my self help books and realizing that I chase happiness often which leads to me being so unhappy. This week I’m struggling. I’m so tired of sustaining “I’m doing better” for about a week and then crashing out the next. I’ve been trying to make friends. I don’t expect everyone to be obsessed with me and be up my ass but fuck I just want someone to be excited to get to know me like I’m so excited to get to know everyone else. I made a Facebook post in a community page and these girls that said they were interested in being friends aren’t fucking responding to me at all! I’ve joined two book clubs now trying to make friends and seeing no real results yet is discouraging me. I’m such a lonely introvert and anytime I express I’m lonely it hurts my fiancés feelings. I wish he understood that having him be my best friend and wanting girlfriends are two different things. And then my fiance was in a custody battle and the mom switched up on him yesterday at the mediation and tried to counter sue for lots of money and take away his access to his son. I’m so angry with her because we tried to be friends with her and she’s such a manipulative jerk.and just like that we had to settle for a shitty deal to keep it out of the court. I also get so tired of waiting for everything! My wedding is in March and we just decided that we want to do personal vows and elope in January and then have our official wedding in March. It’s obviously hard to wait to marry the love of my life. I also really want to have a baby with him like my nesting instincts are so bad rn. I’ve been getting books from the library on pregnancy and what to expect just to satiate the hyper fixation. THEN tonight my fucking phone was like “have you started your period?” And I look and I’m a week late. Spoiler alert I’m not pregnant it’s probably just the stress of quitting nicotine cold turkey and being so stressed out. I quit nicotine cold turkey 6 days ago and weed today (it’s the small things that count) I cried at work because this is all swimming in my head and no one can possibly handle hearing all this out. It’s complicated to want a little one so bad but know that my body isn’t ready and my life isn’t ready. I wish I would stop trying to rush everything. I get so worked up and ahead of myself and try to pile everything up so I can be this high achieving person. I gotta reframe and keep trying I suppose.

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anonymous Home October 12, 2025 at 12:25 am 0 0