Opinions please

Okay so for context, my bf and I are in our first year of college. Neither of us have a job right now. I DID have one, but the store I worked at closed down back in November and I’ve been looking for a new job ever since (and it’s been a struggle but that’s besides the point).

So anyway, I don’t have a job (anymore) and neither does my bf (never had one yet).

Because neither of us have a job or money, I assumed we weren’t going to get anything for each other BECAUSE how could we? We’re both literally broke. I had zero dollars in my bank account. I literally can’t do anything and he knows this because i literally told him after I paid for several other supplies (like required books) for my classes.

Christmas came and he surprised me with a gift. It was small, but nice (if you’re wondering, it was some incense). I was happy. Then he was like “so where’s my gift?” And I looked at him confused and said “well… I don’t have one.”

And then he proceeded to get mad and I mean like, sort of throwing a tantrum because he was pacing around, throwing his stuff, called me a bitch, and cried a little. It was a lot.

I told him (word for word) “I told you I don’t have any money! How can I buy you anything if I don’t have any anymore?”

Btw he was able to get me the incense because his mom actually bought it. My mom will give me extra money here and there if I really need it like if it’s for school or food, but that’s it.

My bf told me that it’s not fair that he still got me something and was pissed I couldn’t. I told him “I can’t ask my mom to buy you a gift. You know how it is.”
(More context: I’m closer to my dad than my mom. My dad passed away two years ago. My mom does the bare minimum of care & providing for me which is alright. Not complaining. But our relationship isn’t like that. I can’t ask her for money like that because when I tried before after my dads passing, she refuses and scolds for even asking unless it’s for essential things.)

He said “Even though. Doesn’t matter. You still have to get me things.”

Idk.
Am I actually in the wrong? Tbh I really don’t know how I could get him a gift at all. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that realistically I have zero money at the moment and the only thing helping me get by while I’m in between jobs is my mom providing the essentials for me and nothing more or less than that. I literally don’t have enough to go buy anything else even for myself like new clothes even if I wanted. He also knows all of this.

But he makes the point that I could have and should have still done something. But again, idk how when I have zero dollars in my bank account.

If we had talked about getting each other stuff beforehand than I guess I would’ve tried to do something like get him a card, but I was genuinely under the impression that we weren’t getting each other gifts because neither of us have money at the moment.

Also, when I told him this ^ in hopes he would understand where I’m coming from, he just gets more mad at me. He tells me that he wants a gift and that I should’ve gotten him one since he got me one, but I didn’t know he was getting me one! It was legitimately a surprise to me when he gave me the bag with incense inside.

Can someone give me their honest opinion on the situation? Am I wrong?
I don’t normally do this, but I tried to give context as best as I could and I’d like to know the perspective of people who have nothing to do with us (so no personal biases and all).

I can accept constructive criticism so I welcome any advice or opinions :) thanks in advance

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anonymous Relationships January 02, 2026 at 12:32 pm 0 0