mental health is so strange

yall ive been trying to figure out if im a narcissist like my mom and sister or if im like ...safe? i guess? idrk how to word it but i get worried that im a narcissist and that i just convince myself that im not because i am good at masking and pretending. i love my friends and family but i get so jealous of people and so insecure but i think i try really hard not to project those feelings onto other people because i know that my problems are coming from my own internalized issues but what if ive just been telling myself that so that i dont have to think im actually just a horrible person with the same selfish manipulative traits rhat my mother has??? people with narcissistic traits sometimes dont know so what if this whole time im thinking im all high and mighty because i am not like my mom when in reality im exactly the same and i dont deserve to have these relationships cause theyre all fake and ive just scripted everything i say to appear good hearted. i know taking online tests is stupid and like very middle school type of vibe when im out of college but like its really obvious which questions would lean which way and when i was taking the test what if i was like just convincing myself i dont do the narcissist things when i avtually do???? im going for a leadership position at work so a lot of the questions that were related to like 'do you feel upset when people dont listen to you, do you get angry when people dont trust your judgement' like at work fucking obviously i need people to listen to me, im going to be their superior soon fucking obviously id get annoyed if the people im in charge of dont follow the instructions i give as ive been appointed this authority by the manager of the entire building?? but then outside of work like if im asking like my friend to do something and they say no i wouldnt be angry maybe just dissappinted but also im able to reason that we play a lot of pranks on each other(they could think im playing around) and if its serious enough i know theyll be there for me so i dont get upset at that. and if its a stranger... why would they listen to me, they dont know me..? so i put neutral answers for those questions because everything is so situational and rhese stupid tests are so vague. and like even typing this out, the thinfs i say are like leaning towards non-narcissistic because i dont want to be a selfish narcissistic piece of scum so i know everyone reading this wont even get the full story and i still wont have any answers so like truly whats the point. i maybe need to journal instead since only id be seeing it but even then itd probably end up the same as this rant. i need a therapist probably instead of just typing all my shit on here lmao but those mfs are toooo expensive and i have no money :D

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anonymous Relationships November 03, 2026 at 3:55 pm 0 0