Maybe im depressed?

Umm,today is 11/02/2026 and i had made a plan roughly 2 years back that i would kill myself in these months.i kept myself motivated to live somehow by telling myself a reason to live but lately i cant seem to find anymore reasons other than being with my friends.im a little scared of heights,i found that out when i went to the 8th floor of an partment complex 4-5 times to see how long the jump is.i know i need proffesional help but i am scared that those help call people may find out where i live or something like that,i dont want them to find me.i have a list of things i want to do before dying- 1.bungee jump 2.cry to my satisfaction 3. scream to my hearts content 4.to have passion towards something other than playing video games.ik its a pretty basic list but thats all i really want to do,people tell me that i havent experienced life yet and that i dont even know what life is since im just 18 and i curse myself for not being able to look ahead into my own future because i cant imagine anything.The thing i hate the most are people who seem to be happy even when they are dumber than me,it pisses me off when i see them happy cus i havent been happy for these last 2 years,i though about ending it all on my birthday even.i sound so fucked.i never had big dreams or anything.fyi: i am starting cry a little while writting this.well thats all i wanted to rant about today

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Krish Other February 11, 2026 at 11:33 am 0 0