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landon, im so sorry

landon, im so sorry

last year, i met this kid in my class, landon, and he was one of the most interesting people ive ever met in my life. he was nice, quiet, kind, really cute. he reminded me of me, a little

one day, the day we first talked to each other, we were outside with the rest of our class, having recess, and we were sitting on this tree, that was high up in the air and it had this like, bench shape to it that could sit at least like 5 people. me, landon, and maybe someone else, maybe our friend, were all on this tree together and we were all doing our own thing on our phones that we were trying to hide from the teachers who were very far away, and me and him just started to talk.

as silly as it sounds, we found out we both played roblox, and we added each other on there. i don’t remember much else, i think that was our one conversation on that day, but it was the first time we talked and im really yearning right now man


we eventually were both in a friend group with like maybe two other people, and it was nice. really nice. but the school was doing something weird and decided to separate one of our friends from us, so our friend group shrunk down to three

and then the same thing happened again, and it shrunk to two
me, and him

which was really bad for me because i was/am pretty socially awkward, especially when it comes to crushes, and i had a MAJOR crush on this boy. it was like, sickening.
in a good way, of course

but i just did not know how to talk to him, especially because HE wasn’t a talker, either. we usually had nothing to talk about, but we would sit next to each other a lot because we were the two quiet kids and nobody else really talked to us.

it was SO awkward. it was like this for most of the year

and my feelings for him kept growing

but THEN, the girl that first got separated from our friend group, she had a crush on him
and i’m not exactly sure if HE had a crush on her, too, eventually? but i do remember him ranting to me once that he was really weirded out by her. thats all im gonna say about that

and since that girl, who im gonna call ruth, was so super nice to me all the time, i felt almost compelled to let her try to have a chance with him, and really i can only remember one time where i think he may have felt feelings for her, and i had no choice but to grin and bear that day where uh, she was cold and he gave her his hoodie

i know that kind of sounded a little stupid but i was so jealous

and one day, the thought came to me, what if he knows i like him, but he doesn’t feel the same way?

because i think it was pretty obvious i liked him. and i was so scared of him knowing
so what did i do? i told him i was lesbian, of course
at first, he didn’t seem to have a problem with it, but a day later, and oh boy did he have a problem with it

i found out everything. i found a note from him on google docs, which was kind of used as a group chat between me, ruth, the other friend that got separated from us, and him. i guess he didnt know i was in this particular group chat, and he poured out his feelings. i dont remember exactly what it all said because i was too teared up at the fact that i had a shot with him and i ruined it, but i do think it said at a point something of “i liked her”
me. the “her” was me

so yeah that was my chance with probably one of the best boys i’ll ever meet and i blew it
you know i’d like to say that school relationships never last, because they don’t, but i can’t help but feel like, sad, that nothing happened between me and landon, especially since we were a boy-girl friendship, EVERYBODY thought we were dating

anyway, throughout the rest of the year, i had to play into the whole lesbian thing because i couldn’t just say “oh, never mind, just kidding!” after i broke my poor friends heart unintentionally. so yeah, i had to tell everyone i was a lesbian, ruth, ruths friend, you know. well, i didnt have to tell anyone. ruth’s friend took care of that for me lol

so, here i am, almost a year later, on vacation yearning for some boy that i only ever talk to once in a while, and i’ll probably never be able to explain all of this to him because, well, for one, i only now have a reasonable explanation for what happened because honestly *i* didn’t even know what i was doing, and two, every time i did try to explain myself, he didn’t really believe me.

i never, ever talk about drama with boys and stuff like this. but this has been on my mind for a while.
he was perfect
and i still have a major crush on this boy, and it’s sickening.
in a horrible, heart breaking, breath taking way

so, i know its unlikely, but landon, if you ever see this, and you have an idea of who this might be, i’m so sorry i couldn’t say all of this to you. i’m sorry i lied to you. i’m sorry i did any of what i did. i’m sorry for how awkward i was that year, i’m sorry for all the weird things i did and said, i’m sorry for making you feel any type of way ever. i wish you never me me so we could just, restart all of this and at least be friends, you’re one of the bestest friends i’ve ever had and i’m so sorry any of this came upon you.
i’m sorry i met you, landon, i’m sorry i’ve left you
anonymous Friends April 05, 2026 at 10:10 pm 0
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