I'm a virgin and tested positive

All my life I was sheltered away in a single house not allowed to do anything. I only started living 4 years ago at the age of 21. I never drink, I never do drugs, I don't do anything considered dangerous. I'm mild, and other people would think me boring, but I've been having the most fun in the freedom I've ever had in my life.

I met my partner 3 years ago. I'm sex repulsed so we don't have sex and only kiss.
It felt very fulfilling. I thought things were going great, until one random night they shared they were diagnosed with herpes as a child.
I was at a loss, at first. Confused and in disbelief.
"I've never had any symptoms, so it went away." I questioned further in fear when they candidly said "If I did still have it, you'd already have been infected."

I don't think they meant any malice in the words, but the casual nature in which they mentioned it...I felt a chill go through me. I asked them how, and they explained how it happened and I asked them for confirmation. I asked for an answer one day, then two days... I couldn't take it.

I went to get tested, I couldn't sleep. I felt like there was dirt inside me. I was panicking at night. And when I had my blood drawn I was hopeful that it would all be a ruse. My partner's uncertainty put me at easy "Maybe it was just confusion with an infection they had as a kid." But I was wrong.


My results came back today, and I'm positive for the antibodies. I'm asymptomatic. And this is the first person I've ever loved in my life.


All my life my parents told me to be careful who I trust, they sheltered me away, I was made not to trust my own judgment. I got free, I told myself they were afraid for nothing, I was gaining a sense of self and belief that I CAN trust my heart... only to find out that I'm the type of person my mom would be careful of today. I'm the type of person who can't share her drinks with her loved ones. I'm the type of person who can't kiss my nieces on the cheek casually.


It feels unreal. I want to crawl into a ball and wither away. I can't believe it. I have to be careful for the rest of my life, all because I chose to love someone and trust them.
I can't even say I know it was from my partner, results don't tell you that. But the thought that I won't ever know kills a part of my heart.


Just 4 years ago I was wishing I was free, longing to be known and loved. I was promising myself that I'd do better that I'd start living and get outside. And despite all the pain I went through back then, I'd trade it all back in order to not have this result. At least back then I didn't worry about this. I have to be careful now so I don't spread it even though I'm asymptomatic.

If this relationship ends, I'll still have this body. And I just coming to the realization that things might not work out.

I don't know if things will ever be the same for me.
I feel like my parents were right. I should have never left the house, I do regret it.

God be with me

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Jane Doe Body September 23, 2026 at 6:28 pm 0 0