I don't like my friend anymore

I dont like my friend of 12 years anymore.

We met when we were around 11 years old and had some common interests, and grew closer following some friendship group drama that went down in high school. Ever since we've been "best friends" but now, 12 years later, im scared that we no longer have anything in common and I actually don't like her anymore.

I dont like the person I am when I'm around her - I feel like i shrink into myself and I can't talk to her about a lot of things, I can't express a different opinion to her, I cant even talk to her about my personal life because she's more concerned about talking/listening to her own and literally cuts me off mid-speaking to ramble about something random to do with her own, clearly far more important and interesting life. Because of this, among other things, I have grown resentful of her and i actually feel really annoyed whenever i see shes typing to message me.

I feel guilty that I feel this way because we've been friends for so long and have literally grown up together, shes been there through every phase ive ever had and we've shared a lot of similar experiences going through school. I used to think she was my best friend but now its like theres this unspoken anonymity between us where shes constantly talking and thinking about herself to try and one-up me, prove to me that shes doing better than me in life (which is untrue) and it just makes me feel like i need to be so careful about what i say to her because I dont want her to have any ammunition to use against me in the future, to use any sort of sensitive spot or insecurity as something to "joke" about (bare in mind, if i ever did the same back to her she would go crazy, start crying to manipulate me and make me out to be some awful bad guy).

On top of this, she has a humongous victim/superiority complex where everyone who shes ever fell out with or lost contact with is this psycho, evil master manipulator and she never takes accountability for her own poor behaviour. She is obviously very insecure with her self and her life circumstances at this point in time, but i guess im at a point where im done being the punching bag.

I think ive kept her in my life for so long because until recently, i didnt have many other friends myself and i felt like if I were to distance myself from her, I'd be shooting myself in the foot. But this year ive managed to make several new friends and i suppose im realising finally that its not normal to have an anxious response seeing someones name on your screen. Its not normal to become a shell of yourself around your "best friend" and its not normal to feel like you have to take disrespect to keep the peace between yous. Anyone know what im talking about here?

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E Friends December 27, 2025 at 6:02 pm 0 0