Fuck you, dad.

Talking to my dad is the most exhausting thing I can do. He will make sure to sure a perfectly fine day with his bullshit and casually act as the victim who somehow cannot remember what he said. He'll call me names, he'll outrightly tell me to die, will complete overlook me and my existence. But he wants a whole celebration for father's day. I get it, he works hard for me and all that. I appreciate it and I am trying to help him out by reducing the financial burden that is because of me through scholarships and stipends. I worked hard to earn that gift for him, only for him to throw it away. I worked with barely any sleep to make him proud and help him out. But there is no acknowledgement or anything. Everything I do is met with harsh words and criticism. And I feel like an idiot, a stupid puppy who runs back only to be kicked away. I am so tired of arguing with him where he makes me look like a psycho bitch when I am simply trying to get my point through. I am not allowed to laugh, I am not allowed to cry, I am not allowed to agree with him, I am not allowed to disagree with him because he is a paranoid narcissistic piece of shit. He goes around bragging about his years of experience as a professor and how he took child development classes to prepare himself for parenthood and yet today I am dealing with depression, OCD and daddy issues. I wonder who is to be considered as the cause for this.
And then, if not being harsh, he will simply ignore me. Ignore my words, my pleas, my needs, EVERYTHING. And he is too good at it. So good that you might start believing that maybe you do not exist for real. Or pretend that he never said those harsh words or behaved unjustly. Oscar-winning performance. So, at the end of the day, I end up looking like some crazy bitch who needs to be put down.
Every time I return, I am reminded of why I left in the first time. I feel sick here, unloved, unheard and lonely.
I really hope he gets to feel what i have been feeling all this time.

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anonymous Home June 26, 2025 at 1:12 pm 0 0