Can’t escape this

Everyday I feel the same no matter what. Different hobbies, different places new mindsets the lot of it. I have been done for 4 fucking years and nobody could give one fuck. I’ve accepted it, I really have but this loneliness alienates me entirely and i am just so angry all the time. I’ve built it up and I resent and resent and resent. And everytime I think I’ve let it go and I’ve moved on or changed it doesn’t . Everything hurts so much and I can’t keep on going on like this. Being passively suicidal means I’m fighting every fucking thought in the universe and constantly teetering between wanting to be better or just give up. I punish myself for living and it’s starting to affect others now asw. Today I completely lost it screaming because my dad had my cup of tea. I yelled and yelled and screamed and broke down all for what? Tea. And then he told me the way I yelled reminded him of how his father talked to him . Fucking ironic. He constantly screamed at me calling me a failure and making me feel worthless over the years, whilst I was simultaneously unable to even fucking function at all . All the times he shouted and shouted and shouted for no fucking reason over some small petty thing and act like a saint boils my guts. I hate having fucking dysfunctional relationships with everyone because I know you as a person your aren’t bad and your human just as I am, and I just am sick of spiraling and torturing myself with my own thoughts that never fail to torment me. I deal with the self hatred and instead of wallowing I’m trying not to let it get to me but I want to claw my fucking face and body off. I’m sick of being called fat and constantly reminded by my weight she doesn’t mean it and she means well but I’m trying to go to the gym so stop commenting. I just binge and binge and it’s a cycle . My sister called me miserable and I can’t say anything to that. I think I am an inherently miserable who just causes their own problems. It’s everyday for no reason

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anonymous Other July 04, 2026 at 4:25 pm 0 0