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So I went to sleep last night feeling suicidal and I woke up feeling suicidal because I have no freaking future. The only career my "talents" (writing and drawing) will get me into is panhandling because there are so many artists out there that it's a one in a trillion chance I could ever get to be well-known enough to make a decent living off of art. I can't get a single person to give me constructive criticism either. Not a single person. They keep going on about how "good" it is but I know they're just trying not to insult me. The reason I'm so bad at writing stories is because my writing style sucks ass, and the reason for that is because my mother isn't a native English speaker. I grew up listening to the poorly-formed shit spewing out of her mouth (she can't even tell the difference between "in" and "on"- no joke!) and it effected the way I talk and write. Not just me, my older brother, too, who I look up to more than anyone in the world aside from my dad but I barely know because I was so dysfunctional when he lived at home. Now our only interactions are awkward phone conversations and the brief times he comes home from college, which is barely at all because he's taking this summer course and it started like two weeks after his college let out for summer.Back to my mom- I put up with her babbling at me like I'm some two-year-old even though it pisses me off so much because it looks like her only joy in the world. It's not hard to tell things are strained between her and dad and they're trying to make up for it by being all mushy when they're together but I can tell as soon as I'm living on my own they're going to split up. It was the same way with my dad's parents, and pretty close with my mom's. I was never able to figure out why my parents could stand each other, and it turns out that they can't.
Posted 1 year ago
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