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[1283] I will rip out your stomach and feed it to a colony of ants.
I have a few questions for myself.Why do you keep trying when it's quite obvious that.. it's not there for you anymore? Sometimes it's there but it's completely one-sided. You know. Roleplaying.
'cause I'm a fucking dork. 'cause I'm thinking, oh. I'll find it, don't you worry. I'll find it even though people keep leaving and they don't SAY what they want and they're not willing to say if they're bored or not.
And then I suffer for that, I suffer because they don't want to impose- and it's all kind and sweet but then it gets ANNOYING AS FUCK.
But it is sweet.
What's the real reason why you don't show anyone what you do?
I don't know- GOD, I don't know. I'm insecure, I'm the most insecure person ever in the most secure way. I'm a coward. I don't want to know, I don't want to know because I already know. I know how good I am, I know people are going to read and read and look at me and feel fucking terrible.
They'll compare and they'll be knocked down, and I can't do that. I could never do that. So I'll keep it to myself, keep it all to myself away from the people who know me personally.
Paper and pen wise?
Insecure. I'm shit.
Why don't I say something to that guy to keeps fucking touching me?
I'm trying. I'm fucking trying. Does he think it's a joke? I'm not a fucking star-struck girl who says stop and actually means go, keep going. And no one should ever believe in that shit because THAT kind of fucked up logic feeds rape culture. And he's gay, so he probably thinks it's okay to fucking lay his hands on me.
It's not.
So no, don't fucking lay your head on my shoulder because I don't FUCKING LIKED TO BE TOUCHED.
I don't fucking LIKE your guts.
Not now, at least.
Sometimes he's bearable, sometimes he's just fucking fine. But then he tries to be more intellectual than he is and he can't even come up with something fucking good to say. He's horrible to even suggest that my interest in an actor is strictly tagged onto his appearances because THAT IS NOT HOW IT FUCKING GOES.
It's not how breathtaking he looks, it's the way he acts and how his mind works that makes him so goddamn BREATHTAKING. He is a fucking wonderful person, and the way he says his piece, the way he acts like he breathes and how absolutely delightful he is is why he is such an interest to the world.
And then that boy has the nerve to try and cover up his fucking slip of how much he wants to put up his fucking ass for a man he doesn't even know by saying OH, he has a business major.
So it's fine.
It's fucking FINE.
It's not.
No, oh, god, it's not. I don't know what could have possibly possessed your fucked up mind, but no. It's not okay.
Posted 4 weeks ago
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